Do you still love her?
by pocahontasneedsherjohnsmith
Summary: Not AU but doesn't follow the show's exact plot. Chuck/Blair/Eva- She'd asked him to come back, she hadn't said it would be easy.
1. Hate is a four letter word

This is set at the beginning of season four after Chuck has returned to New York with Eva at Blair's request. It's going to be totally different from what happened mostly but I'll put in some references too. I know I am terrible for starting a fic and then leaving it for ages but I swear I'm not a 'giver upper' so fear not.  
>XOXO<p>

_Hate is a four letter word_

_I speak not, I trace not, I speak not thy name;_

_There is grief in the sound, their is guilt in the fame;_

_But the tear that now burns on my cheek may impart_

_The deep thoughts that dwell in the silence of heart._

Blair lay curled in her duvet, stomach in knots. She loathed herself for even acknowledging it, after everything he'd done to her. But since Gossip Girl had announced Chuck's return along with the angelic perfection herself that was Eva, in tow, she felt like she was eighteen again, chasing after a little boy who couldn't tell her he loved her. When she'd asked him to come home she'd known it would be excruciating for her to see him with another woman, but she couldn't well have let him leave and risk never seeing his face again. Their love had been so intense, so rich and fatal that it had near killed both of them to be apart. She couldn't comprehend how he'd moved on from her so rapidly. He'd always told her she was the only one who could touch his heart. She'd seen the look in his eye that night in Paris; she knew he'd seen the look in hers too. Why couldn't he have said something, asked her to try again? She would have said yes, she was sure. She could forgive him but he couldn't see past her façade of indifference. She'd brought him home, that was the right thing. But now she felt as though she had been the one to wrong him.

"Oh, Chuck." She murmured into the pillow. They'd spent numerous nights in this bed together. She wished he could hold her now, even though everything about her desire to have him back was foolish. Everyone would warn her away from him;

"Think about what he put you through Blair."

"You can't really still trust him?"

But it was futile to deny that she did trust him. She trusted him with everything but her unprotected heart. That was the one thing she'd never quite managed to escape. All of the torment and the hurt and the lies still haunted her in her helpless dreams. But she also felt secure with him, protected. He made his feelings clearer with each day. If only she could have reached him in time on that awful night. Jenny Humphrey, curse her rotten name, should never have been waiting for Nate. There were so many 'what ifs', so many wasted possibilities. He would have asked for her hand.

She cast her mind to the bad things in an attempt to reason with her irrational heart, which thumped so hard against her chest that she felt nauseous. The pain flashed through her like electricity and her face crumpled. Mascara tainted tears stained her sheets as she struggled to breathe. He'd hurt her so badly. They hurt each other. Everything about their relationship had led them to destroy each other. She couldn't risk loving a person so wholly ever again. She couldn't, wouldn't let her pain seep through the perfect composure she'd built up ever since she was a little girl. The signature Waldorf emotion free blankness would help her to persuade everyone that she was perfectly well. Fine with everything. She didn't care that he'd brought someone home with him- that was fine. Just like it was fine that someone else was sleeping in the bed she still considered theirs, with the man she still considered hers. Why didn't he still want her? Why couldn't he have fought a little harder? She would fight for him until the sun stopped burning. She would have given her life for that man, her very soul and being. Everything that was her was him too.

Blair's detrimental train of thought was interrupted by three gentle knocks on the door. She furiously wiped her tear stained face and called out weakly.

"Who is it?"

A muffled voice came from the other side of the door. "Serena. Can I come in?"

Serena. Blair's only source of friendship, the only person who could understand the tremendous depth of pain she was drowning in. Serena knew because she'd been there, seen it eat her up from the inside and then rip her to shreds. Love- the dictionary described it as 'an intense feeling of deep affection.' It had been more than that. He was her life line and she couldn't breathe without him. What was love if it made her so weak.

"Yes." She responded and her best friend opened the door, light flooding into the dark room as she stepped inside and shut it, allowing them to be engulfed by the darkness once more. Blair reached out for her bedside lamp and switched it on as Serena came to sit beside her on the bed.

"Really feeling it today?" She asked simply, knowing without question the cause of Blair's tears.

Blair nodded meekly. "What am I supposed to do, S?" Fresh tears burned in her eyes. "I don't know how to stop it."

Serena's arms went around the helpless figure in the middle of a bed that was far too big and empty. "You'll get over him, Blair. I promise you. He won't hurt you forever."

"I can't get over him." She stated feebly, relaxing in her friend's familiar embrace. Serena smelled of Coco Mademoiselle and her smooth, blonde hair brushed up against Blair's cheek, dampened by the moisture from her eyes.

"I can't believe he really brought her back with him. It's not fair. You're ten times more than her." Serena muttered, mostly for her own benefit but Blair nodded all the same.

"Why is he doing it?" Blair murmured. "Has he forgotten me already?" Blair knew the question was futile. Serena knew no better than she did, but she needed to hear the words.

"I don't know, B. He's probably terrified you're really, truly done with him and needs some kind of comfort." Serena said with clear disdain.

"He shredded my heart. I tried to patch it up again and now he's tearing it apart all over again." Hot tears escaped Blair's cheeks and Serena bit her lip. She'd seen Blair trying to stitch her life back together after Chuck broke it and now she was seeing him rip all of her wounds open again. Blair felt a warm hand squeeze her own reassuringly.

"I will always be by your side, Blair. No matter what happens you have me. You're my sister okay?" Serena promised.

Blair smiled shakily at her best friend, her sister.

"Thank you. I can't tell you how much I've needed you and how much you've helped me."

Serena just held her tighter and whispered "I will be there to catch you if he makes you fall again."

XOXO

Chuck reacquainted himself with the incomparable luxury of his somehow tainted Empire suite. Eva was busy unpacking her things and it was dawning on him how much he needed his world. He felt like an angel had touched him. She had saved his life when it was fading from him, her light blinded him and he prayed that it wouldn't fade away. He was addicted to her radiance. Thoughts of Blair bubbled in him as though in retaliation, like she could hear his thoughts. He had consumed Blair's light, turned her to the darkness in his mind and marred her perfection. Guilt clouded his brain as he tried to forget with a bottle of whisky. His hand tightened around the crystal of the glass, swirling the amber liquid within. Memories of her intoxicated his attentions. He swore the image of her fleeing from him, pure anguish, inflicted by him, in her expression, was burned on his retinas and he shut his eyes, frowning at his inability to get past the pain that was still so raw whenever he let his mind wander to her. In Paris it was easier to forget. He made himself a different person, without any of the history. He was ashamed of his life.

"Chuck." A gentle voice called from the bedroom. He had to remind himself that it wasn't Blair anymore. He'd greedily stolen all that was good about the relationship he thought would be his forever. He sometimes let himself imagine a future with her still. A future that he'd picked apart off his own volition. He would be stupid to think she'd ever even consider him again. So he had to drown himself in Eva, to let her kindness and warmth cocoon him from all the wrong he'd done. He'd morphed his soul mate into a darker version of himself and he had only himself to hold responsible. She'd find someone else who could restore her glow and he'd hate him for it but he had to let her feel complete again. All he ever did was hurt her. He liked to think he'd changed, that Eva had changed him and so if Blair were happy with another person, he'd let it go. He knew that was a lie though. He wouldn't be able to bare her with anyone else.

"Chuck." Her voice called out to him again. When he reached her, he pulled her into his arms. He needed to expel Blair from his mind and he used the only way he knew how. His hands gripped her slim waist and he kissed her. It wouldn't work. Blair prodded through his reverie expectantly.

"Chuck." She sighed into his mouth. He felt her warmth. Her reality. She grounded him, took him away from the hurt of his guilt as best as possible. Before he could take it any further she'd pulled herself out of his grip.

"I need to ask you something." Her French accent was endearing to him and he locked his eyes onto hers. Her enchanting feline beauty was quite something. She was certainly, by no means, the classic beauty he'd fallen in love with. She was exquisite in the way only a French woman could be. That was why he was drawn to her, she bore absolutely no resemblance to Blair.

"Anything." He told her.

"Is this…?" She began; trailing off she moved to collect something from one of the drawers in the room. "Is this hers?" He didn't need to ask who the woman in question was as Eva's hands held up a purple velvet robe. Chuck moved to take it from her. Memories of Blair pushed their way back into his head. He had to stop himself from wincing at the memory of her pulling the robe around herself, grinning, as he'd beg unashamedly for her to come back to bed.

"It's hers." He bundled up the robe and shoved it into one of his drawers in an attempt to escape the excruciating recollection of the beautiful, mischievous vixen he'd lost. "I'm sorry, Eva. I thought everything was gone."

She sighed and offered him an understanding smile. "It's okay, Chuck. She was a big part of your life. I don't need you to pretend she didn't exist."

Chuck did need to pretend she didn't exist. He needed to forget her part in his life as best he could if he was ever to even try and move on. It was an unthinkable act. Forget Blair Waldorf? "As If." She would have said, had the question been posed to her. She was hardly a forgettable character. He felt himself sinking back into her enticing depths and pulled himself back to reality.

"I'll have it sent back to her tomorrow morning." He promised, pulling her back into his embrace. He knew he wouldn't. He couldn't give up his addiction to her even though he knew it was the best thing to do for both of them. He'd keep her robe somewhere no one else would be able to find it- his guilty keepsake. A small taste of what he truly desired, kept hidden from the rest of the world who may think him a fool for his inability to unclench.

XOXO

Blair woke, bleary eyed and feeling like someone had ripped her heart from her again. Serena mewed peacefully in her sleep and Blair, in an attempt to avoid waking her friend, crept silently out of bed and stood in the expanse of her lonely childhood bedroom. She wanted nothing more than to slump into a corner and cry for him as she had each night but with a new day came new hope. She forced herself to take a long, hot shower and cast him from her mind. The comforting scent of her shampoo lulled her into a state of relaxation and she told herself that she could wash him away just like the soapy foam.

Wrapped up in a fluffy towel, she padded barefoot back into her bedroom. Serena was still sleeping soundly. Blair scanned the room for her favourite robe but couldn't find it. She must have left it in Paris. Reaching for another, she slipped it on, tying the belt tightly around her waist. She began her lengthy morning routine, building up moisturiser on the soft skin of her cheeks. She tried to force herself to think of anything other than Chuck Bass, but her uncontrollable head had other ideas. She remembered how he'd watch her get ready in the morning, claiming that it fascinated him to see how she could manage to "improve on perfection". Despite several half-hearted protests, she had never minded being watched by Chuck. She would catch his eyes in the mirror, filled with admiration and something she couldn't recognise for a while; pride. Her reminiscence overwhelmed her- she found herself sobbing again. What she wouldn't give to wind back the time and see him again. To feel his hands on her, to hear the sweet things he always whispered in her ear. She needed salvation from the hollow inside of her desperately.

"Blair." Serena's drowsy voice called out. Wiping her eyes quickly, Blair appeared back in her room.

"Here." She announced to her friend who was running a hand through her long hair.

"Is it college today?" Serena asked, rubbing at her forehead, which was crinkled by a confused frown.

Blair chuckled at Serena's state of sleepy unawareness. "No, S. It's Sunday. We go back tomorrow."

Serena jumped out of the bed a little too quickly and wobbled unsteadily on her feet. Once she'd regained her balance she exhaled a sharp breath as though she'd just scaled Mount Everest and nodded her head in determination and pride. "Okay. I will go get ready and we can have a shopping day." Serena walked through the conjoining door to her own room and stretched out her pink, flannel clad arms above her head. Blair smirked at her friend. If otherwise completely useless in the mornings, she was always good entertainment.

XOXO

Chuck woke to find the other side of the mattress empty and cold. For a hazy, perfect moment he thought of calling out for Blair, begging her to come back to bed. But just like every other day since he'd lost her, he felt the disappointment of realisation smack him square in the face. His eyes went to the chest of drawers opposite the bed where he'd stuffed her robe the night before. Falling out of bed, he paced over to it, daring to peer inside. He was faced with rich, purple velvet and picked it up, running a thumb over its soft texture. He lifted it slowly, almost cautiously, to his cheek. It even still faintly smelled like her. Quickly he realised what he was doing and dropped it guiltily back into the drawer, concealing it under his underwear. If he wasn't in such a daze he might have smirked.

Chuck found Eva on the Empire's highest balcony, taking in the view of New York in the morning. The sun was rising from behind the skyscrapers and they watched his city waking up. He took her hand and they stood for a moment, taking in the sight before them.

"I can't believe that this is your world." She finally broke the silence. "It's surreal."

Chuck nodded. He couldn't imagine not having all of this, he thought of New York as his city, his home. For her, he imagined it would have been a remarkable shock to find that he owned a hotel and was a billionaire. For Chuck and his friends, this was the norm. He lifted his fingers to her nightdress, unravelling the ties at her shoulder to reveal an emerald, silk bra. Everything she did and wore was different to Blair. He liked to tell himself it was refreshing and exciting, but it was just an escape. His arms encircled her skinny waist and she leant up to kiss him gently. His heart gave an almighty pang of objection and he wasn't sure why. Eva was everything he needed and ought to want. He lifted her, her thighs wrapping tight around his torso.

When they reached the bed, she was wearing significantly less and was hastily untying his robe. He couldn't be gentle with her this time. He had to immerse himself in her light and escape his thoughts. If she knew the truth she'd hate him for it but he needed her so much. He whispered, "I want you." Into her olive skin over and over as he thrust into her relentlessly. She would need the other, sacred three words from him soon and the thought sent cold, nauseous shivers down his spine.

Later, he lay with her in his arms, her head under his chin. He felt her smile against his chest and he toyed with strands of her long, blonde hair. Her warm skin against his was comforting and he kissed the top of her head. He was grateful that she'd saved his life and the warm-heartedness he felt towards her made him protective. He knew she'd face the onslaught of his friends and family soon and he wanted to shield her from it. She was innocent, inexperienced and definitely not ready for the cruelty of the Upper East Side- the cruelty of the world he'd brought her back to. He knew it was wrong of him to bring her back, but she was his lifeline. She kept him sane. She was someone to hold onto when the nightmares got too much.

"What do we say we go shopping today?" He spoke out of the blue. "The real New York experience." The least he could do was give her the decadent wardrobe of an Upper East Sider. It was more than just clothing. It was armour.

She sighed happily and nodded.

XOXO

Strolling around Manhattan's shops with Serena was Blair's favourite pass time as of late. She settled back into the New York style of life with ease and her shopping bags were already accumulating quickly. They'd covered Chanel, Balmain and Dior but so much more couture was calling her name.

Serena quickly pulled Blair into another store and began riffling through the racks, pulling numerous pieces to try. Blair's approach was slower but always more concise. She found fewer pieces but it tended to work to her advantage. She knew Serena's wardrobe was packed to burst with clothes she'd likely never wear. That was probably the sole disadvantage of everything suiting you, Blair thought with a smirk.

That was when she saw him. He was sitting on one of the plush velvet couches in the Valentino boutique, gazing down at his phone. Her heart palpitated in her chest and she fled silently for the dressing rooms, gathering up her belongings in her arms. She pulled the curtain shut behind her, throwing all of her bags down behind her and slumped in a corner. She shook, cradling her head in her hands. Sobs began to escape her throat and she tried to shut herself up before she caused some sort of pathetic scene.

She gently rocked herself back and forth to calm down but nothing was working. She'd not been in such close proximity to _him_ for weeks. She'd thought about it, dreamed about it, hoped about it and had nightmares about it, but it hadn't happened until now She couldn't handle it unprepared. She was shuddering in the corner, hating the impact even the sight of him still had on her, when she heard Serena shouting her name. He'd have heard her; he'd know she was there, that she was hiding. The only thing she could do was pretend she was unaffected.

"In here, S." She yelled back, trying to keep the wobble out of her strained voice and stuggled to her shaky feet.

Serena appeared through the curtain. Blair was standing with her fists clenched at either side of her, a look of sheer panic on her face.

"What's the matter?" Serena looked at her friend's troubled expression.

"He's here." Blair cried "Chuck is here!". Serena grabbed her in a quick hug and whispered encouragements into her ear. When she pulled back, she could see that her friend was plotting by the look in her eyes. Serena held up a black dress. Well a tiny, verging on indecent piece of black material would have been a better description for the 'dress' she held up.

"You are going to strut out there and put on the show of your life. Flaunt everything that he's lost at him, B." Serena's eyes glinted with mischief. Blair, although usually up for any kind of games, was feeling insecure and was about to protest before Serena shoved the hanger at her, wiped the tears from her eyes and whispered.

"Come out when you're ready. I'll see to it that he doesn't bother you." She winked at her and disappeared out of the curtain.

XOXO

"Blair." He heard a familiar voice call. Suddenly he rocketed out of his seat and moved to the other side of the store where he was concealed by racks of clothing. Shit. She was here. She was in the same building as he was. He was eyeing the exit hopefully when Serena appeared from the dressing area and took a seat, waiting where he just had been. His gut flipped and he wanted to escape as soon as possible. The click of heels distracted him and he prayed for Eva to return so they could flee. He wasn't ready for a run in. Blair Waldorf appeared, like a dark angel, in all her glory, at the end of the hall in front of Serena. He noticed a strange expression on her excruciatingly beautiful features as she sashayed towards Serena, swaying her hips sensually.

"What do you think?" The sound of her voice sent a sudden, piercing pain to his bullet wound. He raised his hand to his mouth and slipped further behind the rails as not to be seen. He watched as she twisted from side to side in front of the mirror, her every curve accentuated by an evilly tight, short black dress. He couldn't even focus on the details of the dress. He felt his pants tighten. She still had an undeniable effect on him. His whole body wanted to pull her into a dressing booth and have his way with her. Chuck suppressed a groan as he watched her bend down painfully slowly to pick up the pin that had fallen from her silky hair. He got a splendid view of her delicious ass and up her skirt. His eyes trailed over her tiny waist and up to the pronounced curve of her breasts. He wanted to rip the cruel dress from her body; it was hiding what he desired most. He wanted her so badly, now more than ever.

"Buy it, B." Serena said. "You look amazing. The hot college guys won't be able to keep their hands away from you."

The loud of Blair's laughter rang clear as a bell through his ears and she said, "Well, I don't know. I do need someone new to satisfy my needs." Minx. Her hands ran down her body, outlining her shape with her fingertips.

There was something to her tone that he couldn't place but the idea of her with anyone else sent him wild with envy. The image of some random, creepy pervert running his hands up those thighs, claiming her for himself made Chuck feel like bursting. She was his girl and he wouldn't allow anyone else to touch her. Actuality quickly snapped him out of his thought process though. She wasn't his girl, not anymore. He'd been unspeakably awful to her and lost the right to even breathe the same air as her.

"Maybe you should wear it to my Mom's event tonight?" Serena suggested, her hand running through her blonde waves.

He recognised a scheming twinkle in Blair's eye and confusion flooded him. As she appraised herself in the mirror a smirk spread across her pink lips. He felt an overwhelming urge to kiss it off of her face.

"Hmm. Perhaps I will. I might find someone to keep me warm at night there." Blair said, purring. Whether she meant it as a joke or not, he was livid. He was repulsed by the notion of her with anyone else than him. Potent jealousy brewed in him and his eyes narrowed as he watched her call for the assistant to bring her matching accessories.

In all his voyeurism he'd forgotten about Eva. All of a sudden he saw her making her way back towards the shop floor, towards Blair and Serena. She was clad in a ball gown that frankly, did not do much for her. He watched Blair's face contort in horror as she caught sight of Eva and turn to Serena, her eyes brimming with tears. The sight had a strange effect on his heart that he thought he'd killed with their relationship. Before Eva emerged, he noticed Serena quickly rub Blair's forearm and whisper something to her. Blair nodded and turned to face Eva. He was intrigued as to how this would pan out. He knew that the right thing to do was, he should go to her, save her from the unavoidable denouncement awaiting her. But he wanted to see what would happen when they met.

Eva's mouth turned up into a sweet smile as she saw Serena and Blair. He almost winced, she was ever kind and it would tear her to shreds. He hoped Blair didn't crush her; she was so vulnerable and generous. He knew she wouldn't know how to react to bitching.

"Oh! Blair, right?" Eva rushed towards the pair.

Blair's face twisted in disgust, she stepped away from Eva and he knew she was going to take her down a few notches.

"I'm Eva." She introduced herself extending a hand which Blair simply glared at.

"Yes. I know who you are." She sounded almost weak in her response. Eva smiled encouragingly at her.

"Blair, Chuck told me everything and… I… well I don't want you to be hurt. I'd like us to be friends" She spoke apologetically, there was no need, it was him that needed to say sorry to her.

"Too little, too late I'm afraid." Blair spoke in a small voice that made his heart ache. She was hurting? Eva's eyes filled with sorrow as she moved towards Blair but she only took another step away from her.

"Look. Regardless of your relationship to Chuck." It sounded like she struggled to speak his name. He wanted to go to her, comfort her. "Frankly, I don't think you're the kind of person I'm friends with." He knew he should move to stand behind Eva but he couldn't make his legs move. She stood like a helpless lamb.

"I know I'm not like you, but I think we could be friends. Please just give me a chance. I'd like to know you." Eva pleaded, her features crumpling at the idea of anybody disliking her.

Blair frowned and put her hands on her hips. Her claws were out. "I don't think you're understanding. You're like the servant to my Queen." She continued. "I don't even know what you're doing in here." He listened to Blair tear the tender creature before her down. She moved to head back to the changing rooms before quipping, "Oh, and if I were you, I'd want to accessorise with gloves. Not even a manicure could mask those peasant hands." She finished with a cruel smile.

Chuck broke. Eva was meek and mild. She couldn't protect herself so it was his job to do so. He strode towards them as though he'd not been listening. He gave a nod in Serena's direction and took Eva's hand, placing his lips to it. Her captivating features were uncharacteristically corrupted by sadness and he felt a mix of anger and confusion towards the culprit.

"You look beautiful." He said, never breaking eye contact to even acknowledge the fuming brunette who had frozen beside him. He could smell her now, hear her shaky breath. "I wouldn't be surprised if you're the reigning queen of New York in mere days." He added as a bitter afterthought.

She shook her head "Lets go home, Chuck. I don't belong here." Eva said quietly, her eyes drifting towards the two women opposite.

"You belong wherever I am... I love you." He knew these words would scar Blair, he used them in resentment. He heard her release a sharp breath and then saw Blair Waldorf make a dash towards the dressing rooms, Serena in tow. He knew he'd gone too far when he saw her turn to give them one last, sad, lingering look. Taking Eva in his arms, he kissed her softly. A stab of shame hit him as soon as the curtain was drawn sharply and a loud, choke of a trembling sob was released behind them.

Eva pulled away, gazing at him with newfound hope in her eyes. He felt sick.

"Thank you." She whispered gently as he led her out of the store.

XOXO

Blair had sunk down into a heap in the changing rooms, Serena was frantically attempting to comfort her, but to no avail. Her sobs roared through her small frame aggressively. Serena pushed her hair back and held her burning cheeks.

"Blair Cornelia Waldorf you are so much more than her. She is absolutely nothing compared to you and you needn't let yourself feel inferior."

She nodded but was unconvinced. "Why did he say that?" She whimpered, "Why did he say it?"

"He knew you were listening, B. That's all. He doesn't love her." She promised, helping Blair stand up.

XOXO

Chuck lay in bed, his hands folded behind his head. He'd sent Eva to the spa for some treatments. He'd told her to relax and enjoy the massage, but in reality he'd just needed some time alone to ponder over the afternoon and what he'd done. Blair would definitely never again grace the same room as him- let alone talk to him. He'd spat those three words he'd only ever said to her in her face. Chuck groaned at his own idiocy and berated himself. He got up and found her robe once more. Lifting it to his chest he cradled it, cradled the thought of Blair in his arms.

"What have I done?" He spoke aloud to the empty room. Regret filled him and a rouge tear escaped his eye. He wouldn't be surprised if she refused to ever look at him again after that performance. He'd taken her greatest sensitivity and trampled on it as though she'd meant nothing to him. He knew he shouldn't have tried to watch her from afar.

He prepared himself for the night ahead. Seeing her at Lily's event would be awful to say the least. How should he behave around her? If he acted like a repentant puppy then even Eva, seemingly ignorant as she was, would be able to see his true feelings. Despite everything, he couldn't lose Eva. She was like the sun. He poured over different ways he could try to show his distress and remorse to Blair without showing it to everyone else too.

Unsure as to what the evening would have in store, Chuck Bass readied himself for battle.


	2. Reignite the flame

_Thank you for those who showed support in my first chapter of this fic. Although few, you've inspired me to continue. I hope for your continued trust. For this, I am rewarding you with Chuck/Blair scenes. _

XOXO

_Reignite the flame_

_By that lip I long to taste;_

_By that zone-encircled wait;_

_By all the token flowers that tell_

_What words can never speak so well_

_By love's alternate joy and woe,_

_Zoë mou, sas agapo._

"Wow." Serena's mouth formed a perfect 'o' shape when her friend emerged from the bathroom and into her room. She was clad in a short, black Balmain affair- although not the, frankly scandalous, dress she'd tried on before, it was similarly inviting and devious, hugging her curves; highlighting her incredible figure. Small slits in the fabric scaled the arms and the dress had a deliciously daring, plunging neckline.

"It's not too much?" Blair ran her hands over the dress, smoothing non-existent creases from the hemline. She felt nerves bubbling inside the pit of her stomach.

"Don't even consider anything else. It's perfect." Serena stood up from the vanity where she'd been touching up her scarlet lipstick and grinned at her friend. "You look like... a heartbreaker."

Blair offered a small smile but felt her eyes flood at the notion of heartbreak. Her fingers went to the long sleeves of her dress, toying with the edges apprehensively. Serena, noticing her friend's reaction fumbled to find the right words.

"Go get 'em." She said weakly, displaying obvious disappointment in her feeble attempt to pep her friend up. Blair smirked anyway though. Serena's inability to come up with anything else was mildly amusing and took her mind off of Chuck.

"Don't worry, S. I'm just going to keep to myself and get away as soon as I can."

Serena stuck her palm up in opposition. "No way, Blair. You need to torture and torment. Stick around 'til the sun goes down."

"It's only going to be painful. He'll be doing the torturing." She countered, folding her arms across her chest.

"You can't let him do this to you, you need to show him that he doesn't bother you." Serena flipped her hair nonchalantly- demonstrating the casual diva demeanor that she clearly thought Blair ought to adopt.

"I think that ship has well and truly sailed, Serena. He saw me high tail it into that fitting room earlier if you don't recall." Blair rolled her eyes at her own childish response.

"Yes, but he had been hiding from you before that, remember?"

Blair nodded in agreement, mostly in order to avoid anymore of Serena's well-intentioned encouragement. She could imagine what the night would consist of. A stream of stiff vodka martinis and a few fleeting, dull, but necessary pleasantries. She was going to avoid Chuck like the plague. There was no need or want for interaction with him on her part and if she could escape without even having made eye contact with the man, she knew it would bode better for her mental health. Blair liked her arm with her friend's and they made their way to the waiting car outside of her building, a strange sensation coiling in her. She loathed to recognise it as hope.

XOXO

Chuck waited nervously in the corner, anticipation growing with the steady rise and fall of his chest. Eva sat, prim and pristine, by his side in a dress he'd bought her from Chloé. She looked virtuous, pure and beautiful. He held her hand tightly- a protective shield she found in holding his too. If either of them could have seen past the others calm front, their delusions of steadiness would have been shattered instantly. Instead they clung to one another in the hope that their counterpart was brave enough to hold them both up.

He saw her glide in and his mouth watered shamelessly. She was dressed for one purpose only; to kill. Blair looked jittery and excited with Serena by her side. The electric buzz she carried was almost tangible and he watched her make a beeline for the well stocked bar. She leant on her elbows seductively as the barman, who much to Chuck's disdain, stared down her cleavage without hesitation as he mixed her drink, he was obviously whispering lecherous comments into her ear as he handed over the martini. In response, Chuck observed Blair gasping and giggling coyly. He'd make sure to have him fired later. Chuck broke his eyes away from her momentarily to see Serena staring at Blair, the look of an approving mother painted across her face. When Blair turned to make eye contact with her, she gave a small nod, unnoticeable to anyone who wasn't paying complete attention, but enough for Blair to turn her coquettish concentrations back to the repulsive barman. Feeling suddenly insecure, Chuck swiftly stood and guided Eva over to Lily.

"Charles." His stepmother said warmly, extending an arm around his shoulders.

"Lily. Great to see you again." Chuck's lips formed into the first real smile he'd found in too long.

"You too. Although I'm afraid others aren't so pleased to hear of your return." The subtle warning in her words hadn't gone unnoticed. He wasn't sure if she meant Rufus, Blair or both. He tried to surreptitiously peer over his shoulder to see Blair. She was pushing her hair over one shoulder, exposing her neck to the man he'd recently developed feelings of immense abhorrence for. The sight of her pale skin on display to the leech, who was salivating like one of Pavlov's dogs, made him sick to his stomach.

"I do have some apologies to make, I'm sure." To this, Lily simply raised her brows as if to agree.

"Well. I'm sure that can be discussed at another time." She paused momentarily. "Are you going to introduce your friend to me?"

"Oh yes, of course." Chuck's hand moved to the small of Eva's back as he gently moved her forward to greet Lily. "Lily, this is Eva. The woman who saved my life." Chuck looked at her with pride and noticed a gentle, rosy flush flood to her cheeks.

Lily smiled warmly at her. "And for that I will be forever grateful, Eva." She shook her hand.

"It was my greatest pleasure. Chuck has told me so much about you." Eva returned politely, all but curtseying at Lily.

"Mom." Serena's voice interrupted curtly. All three of them turned to face her. She smiled at her mother, moving to kiss both of her cheeks, scowling at Chuck as she did and refusing to even appraise his partner.

"Darling." Lily took her eldest child's arm and gave her the same, earnest smile. "Is everything okay?"

"May I speak with you privately for just a moment?" She asked sweetly. Lily nodded and excused herself from the conversation.

Chuck was positive that this meant Serena was going to do either of two things. First, bitch about Eva, or second, talk about Blair. He was somewhat hopeful it wouldn't have been the latter as he wanted to hear everything possible about his girlfriend... former girlfriend. Chuck took a flute of champagne from a passing waiter and handed it to Eva, who looked so much like a sacrificial lamb that he almost rolled his eyes. He directed them towards one of his business associates. Eva's honest and innocent charm absorbed the fifty-something man, allowing Chuck to take sly glances over to the bar. He told himself he was just keeping an eye out for someone vulnerable but he knew there was more to it than that, he could hardly lie to himself. He felt sickened by the clear flirtation in front of him but soon he noticed her look covertly across one shoulder, scanning the room until they locked on his, her eyes widened and she turned back quickly. It was a game. She was flaunting it at him purposely.

Suddenly the music in the venue was too loud and the crowds around him began to sway. She was trying to make him jealous. Why?

XOXO

She turned her face sharply away from the shock that was finding Chuck staring dead at her, one arm around Eva's waist. She'd been pretending to flirt with this clown all evening and now he'd spotted her, just when she'd allowed herself to see if he was watching her. She'd essentially now wasted her efforts, and a large effort it had been too, to endure the bar-idiot's slimy whispers in her ear without vomiting. Now he knew he'd just go at it harder with Eva and she'd find herself regretting trying to make him jealous in the first place. It had been a foolish idea, she should have stuck with her 'get in, get drunk and get out.' Plan as she'd promised herself earlier. Letting Serena talk her into a more 'Blair' way of handling things was a bad idea. When had her schemes ever worked against Chuck Bass anyway?

She was still pretending to listen intently to the bartender's irritating, not to mention oldest trick in the book, ex-girlfriend story when she realised that if her game was up, she needn't waste her time any longer. She waited patiently for his babble to end; after all he'd sufficed as a nice ploy so far- it was only polite and she had to keep up some appearances. As soon as a chance appeared she requested another drink and upon receipt, gracefully made her exit. At least he'd served her on the house.

She could feel his gaze burning into her as she strode across to where she could see Lily and Serena engaged in what appeared to be intense conversation. Serena's arms were flying around as her mother, ever trying to keep up the perfect family image of the Van Der Woodsens, pursed her lips and tried to ease her dramatic daughter. She didn't want to disrupt them and create a further scene so she hesitated in her path. Moving swiftly in the opposite direction, she found herself aiming instead for the bathrooms where she knew there were private rooms with seats in which she could regain her composure. Escape was in sight as one foot got caught in the hem of someone's vastly inappropriate evening dress. She faltered, her drink clattering to the ground and felt herself falling in slow motion. when a strong pair of hands grabbed her waist and set her upright. She turned to thank her saviour for the spared embarrassment, but instead came face to face with Chuck. Her breath hitched as his hands lingered on her waist for longer than was necessary. She raised her eyebrows at their stance and he seemed to register her thoughts, quickly dropping his grip on her. She mumbled a quick thank you and avoided looking into the burning depths of his caramel eyes. Her stomach was turning and her skin pricked as though it was on fire. His fingertips had left scorching prints in their wake and she desperately needed a cold shower.

"No problem." He murmured, unsure of himself as he clenched his hands together and cleared his throat.

Blair bit her bottom lip to the point of pain and forced her legs to continue in any direction that was away from him, marching far from the scene in wobbly haste.

XOXO

He stood, rooted in his position as he watched her all but run away from him. He held his hands in front of him, remembering the sensation of her skin against them. No one else seemed to have seen the events that had just occurred, he grabbed her out of an instinct to protect her from harm but afterwards he'd not let her go as soon as he should have. She must have noticed. Quickly glancing behind himself, he saw that Eva was still engaged in conversation, blissfully unaware. Without saying a word he followed his heart, followed her.

He'd caught up to her silently by the time she opened the door to the bathroom. In her shock, he slipped in behind her and locked the door. She spun sharply and gasped, her eyes widening in horror. She looked as though she was burning with curiosity and they stared each other down for a few moments. She staggered backwards to the chaise that was in the corner of the bathroom and flopped down, gripping the edges for support.

"Blair." He was the first one to speak; she just gazed at him questioningly like a rabbit caught in headlights. The feeling that he'd made a foolish error began to creep in while he watched her skittish movements curiously. Someone must have seen him follow her. A million and one things ran through his mind as he carefully surveyed her changing expressions.

"What are you doing?" She finally asked, after tense minutes of silence. It didn't seem like a question that required one specific answer. Her pupils searched his.

He took a step closer to join her, sitting on the opposite end from her. He sat bolt upright.

"I don't really know." He felt it was his best answer for most things she'd want to know the reasoning behind. "I just… I don't know."

She shut her eyes, closing his connection to her off. Her eyes were what enabled him to read her. Her cold, restricted body language was no help to him at all as he pondered over her potential thoughts. Blair Waldorf was a worrier, if ever he'd known one, she'd likely be running over different worst case scenarios. He decided that honesty was the best policy in the situation that he'd managed to get himself into. Showing her his feelings had been a weakness before; he had to force himself to show her that he'd changed from when they were teenagers.

XOXO

She opened her eyes and could feel the question bubbling up inside her, forcing its way out of her lips. She tried to stop it but,

"Do you really love her?" She covered her mouth with her hands and made a noise of dismay at what she'd just asked him. He was going to say yes and she'd be crushed again. Why did she keep letting herself walk into these traps? She ought to know better now. She turned her gaze away from him and stared at the ground, her hands still shielding her mouth in case any other unevaluated questions could escape without her better judgement. She waited for his response in agony. Ultimately, after what had felt like years, he exhaled deeply. It was a breath she hadn't even been aware that he was holding in. She felt the couch shift beneath her as he dared to move closer. Warmth was radiating off of him and her whole body tensed as he precariously laid a stiff arm around her equally tense shoulders. Her fingers fell from clutching her mouth and balled in her lap. She looked up and into his eyes properly for the first time, losing herself in the breadth of understanding and reflected grief she saw within them.

"Not like I love you." He said in a voice so quiet that she almost didn't hear him.

She winced at his words and a small whimper escaped her throat. She felt his arm tighten around her. His touch both relaxed and put her on edge. She never knew the appropriate reaction anymore and her nerves jittered inside her manically. Those three little words with their eight letters that had taunted them for years. Love was never going to be any easy topic to broach for them- it came with too many connotations of heartbreak and struggling.

Blair's mind was hazy. "I think you mean 'loved'." She said, grimacing, her jaw clenching in resolution.

"I don't." She'd only ever heard the same degree of frailty in his voice when he'd begged her not to leave him.

"You know this doesn't mean anything has changed." Blair said against the heavy and demanding pounding of her furious heart. This changed everything.

"I know." His dejected reply came after a while.

He held her for a long time before she finally sighed and let herself ease into the strong familiarity of his side, laying her head gently on his shoulder. Neither of them really knew what they were doing or what this was going to mean but it felt like the right thing. Her heart felt heavy in her chest and she had to fight back the urge to weep. His scent was unforgettable, heady and intoxicating in all its notes of scotch, mint and sandalwood. She wanted to curl up and never leave. His fingers traced circular patterns along her arm, a sensation that set of tiny fireworks inside her. He used to do this when they lay together in bed. It was an absent-minded gesture of his but it always had sent tingles down her spine. The butterflies residing in her stomach brushed off their dust and beat their fragile wings frantically at his touch.

XOXO

He shut his eyes and took in the feeling of her body, resting against his. They hadn't supported each other mentally or physically in so long that he forgotten what it was like to be Blair's foundations. He wanted to hold her up in a throne like she deserved but he wasn't able to be that man for her. He'd failed her at every turn and she deserved so much better. He wound his other arm around her, savouring the moment as long as she may allow. She extended her own around his waist. His head rested atop hers and he breathed in the sweet smell of her hair. In everything she was, she was perfect. The soft, silk of her curls brushed his chin, her slim thigh brushed up against his own. He wanted to cling to her forever. He would have been happy to stay locked in the bathroom all evening if not for the people waiting for them outside. He knew he had to return to Eva. Blair could not forgive him and it ripped his heart out to imagine her rejecting him again. He stood; still holding her and she lay her cheek flat against his solid chest. She'd taken her shoes off at some point and felt so little and vulnerable in his grasp that he couldn't will himself to let her go. She pulled her head away and looked up at him, her doe eyes brimming with the emotion and unspoken sensitivity he believed that she'd only ever shared with him.

"Chuck." She said softly. It took a while until she continued her thought hesitantly. "Will you kiss me?"

For anybody else in their circle, a kiss would have been a meaningless thing. But he knew that if he kissed her then everything would change. He'd never be able to get her out of his head. But he knew it was futile to even consider refusing her anything, and he wanted it just as much as she did. He needed his fix of her so badly that he'd willingly and gladly put himself through the pain that would follow. He nodded and bent his head to hers. She stood on her toes and her soft, pink lips reached up for his. He closed his eyes, knowing that what happened next would be imprinted agonisingly onto his memory for at least the following months. When their lips finally touched, there was no anger, no hatred in the kiss, it was gentle and spoke all of the words that she couldn't. He took a hand from her waist and caressed the smooth skin of her cheek. She moaned tenderly into his mouth as they reignited their lost passion. The kiss lingered for longer than either of them expected and it was only once they had pulled their lips away from one another mournfully that he realised the tears streaming down her face. Her bottom lip wobbled and he felt the tug of a tightening coil in his stomach. His hands went to her face, wiping the tears delicately from her shining eyes and kissing each of her cheeks softly.

"Don't cry." He begged. "Please don't cry." He could never stand to see her perfect features jaded by sadness.

"I'm sorry." Was all she offered back in a timid voice. He knew that she meant to apologise for a lot more than just her tears and he nodded, understanding her.

"I am too." He lifted her knuckles to his lips and with a final kiss to her hand, let her free from his embrace reluctantly. She collected her shoes from under the couch and sat to put them back on her small feet.

They moved solemnly to the door, he had taken her hand but remained unsure of what had transpired between them and its meaning. He was going back to Eva and she was going home alone. She stopped moving but clutched his hand so he'd stop to face her.

"The worst thing is, I've already forgiven you." She said, her voice weak. When he made movements to reply, she held a finger to his lips and instead placed a chaste kiss on his mouth.

She slipped out of the door and disappeared back into the throng of the party. He waited five minutes before emerging from the bathroom.

Finding his place back at Eva's side, he placed an arm around her waist. It felt too skinny, too different to Blair's. His gaze drifted around the room but he soon gathered that she was already gone.

XOXO

She lay in bed that evening with so many things flooding through her memory. He'd said he still loved her. She had asked him to kiss her. Despite it all he hadn't made any suggestion that he would leave Eva and come back to her. She had to know better than to get caught up in Chuck Bass again. He wasn't going to drop Eva for her, she feared wasn't right for him anymore and she was terrified that he'd know that too. He'd become a good person while she'd remained the same weakling little girl who let herself be used and walked all over. Numbness filled her and she was afraid that her actions were only going to serve to make it more difficult to let him go. She had to go without him all together if there was any hope of ever getting over him and she'd just happily fallen straight back into his clutches without any kind of promise that he would make any efforts to recommit to her. She felt like a naive child but yet had no desire to change what had happened. Moments of pure, honest bliss had been hard to come by in her separation from him and their time that night had been the closest she'd felt to happiness since she left him.

XOXO

He lay awake all night, wondering if he should try to contact her again. The sleeping woman by his side was what stopped him though. Eva had done nothing but be a perfect girlfriend and he was contemplating shipping her back to France because of a kiss that probably had meant nothing to her. He couldn't allow himself to be so shallow. Blair was probably just trying to get closure and he couldn't permit himself to get carried away. She said that she'd already forgiven him but he knew she couldn't have. She'd told him that she didn't love him anymore when they were in Paris. How could he escape that fact?

While he spent his night completely aware that sleep would not find him, he allowed himself to imagine a future with Blair. He'd always wanted to get married and have a family and she was the only woman he'd wanted all of those things with, the only woman he'd ever even wanted to imagine those things with. He wanted his children to be half Blair Waldorf. It was an admission he was scared of, especially as she'd given him no assurance that she felt the same as he did. But he couldn't help where his mind drifted and in his restlessness, he even let himself envision what she would look like in a wedding dress.

XOXO

_Sorry for a shorter chapter this time. If you want to know what Blair's dress looks like then you can find it on the Harrods website, it's a Balmain's Bandage Long Sleeved Mini Dress. Just if you were feeling curious._


	3. Jealousy makes the heart grow fonder

Back at classes now so I can't update quite as much. I'll still try my best. P.s: Thank you especially to iALLIEgator, lisset, V, Joy and musicbean2 for your motivation. I adore your kindness and constructive reviews. I will endeavour to publish chapters for you. (It's smut time.)

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO

_Jealousy makes the heart grow fonder_

_I dreamt last night our love return'd,_

_And, sooth to say, that very dream_

_Was sweeter in its phantasy,_

_Than if for other hearts I burn'd_

_For eyes that ne'er like thine could beam_

_In Rapture's wild reality._

She'd kept her distance from him after that night, making sure she avoided any possible run-ins on his ground. She'd convinced herself that it was a mistake, perhaps even a lurid dream. He couldn't possibly have meant it in any case. She was drunk and jealous and so was he. She'd have bet that he might have said anything to get some kind of rise out of her. If only she'd not asked him to kiss her.

Blair was ambling towards Columbia with Serena's arm in hers. She was all too mindful of her friend, who was stealing sly glances at her, looking for any signs that she might break and tell her what had happened. She'd obviously been bursting to ask her something all morning and Blair could hazard a good guess as to what that might be. She wanted to avoid the confrontation for as long as was physically possible.

"Shall we stop for macarons and coffee, S?" She tilted her head to one side when Serena looked about ready to explode with curiosity. "I could really do with breakfast before we get there." She laughed nervously.

The girls entered the Laudrée pop up on their way to college, welcomed by the delectable scent of the fresh almond pastries. Blair gazed at the array of colourful macarons on display. She eventually decided upon a pistachio one. The delicate shade of pale green matched her Marc Jacobs mini skirt and she simply couldn't resist the aesthetically pleasing combination.

"B, are you going to tell me what happened? I saw him follow you out of that bathroom. Do I need to be worried?." Serena took a sip of her coffee as they stepped out onto the busy street; she gave Blair a knowing look.

"I told you, nothing happened at all. He just wanted to… make sure I was okay after I fell." Blair hesitated; she knew Serena would have noticed. "It was only polite."

Serena raised a questioning eyebrow. "Right. Okay, so that's why you had to stagger your exits." She scoffed.

Blair huffed. "Really, S. Nothing remotely seedy happened. We had to do that for appearances sake. His girlfriend was there. I may be many things but I am not a home wrecker." Blair winced at her own, lacking excuse.

"Whatever you say." Serena conceded, picking up their pace a bit as she gave her gold watch a worried glance.

"So I think we should accept Hamilton House as our chosen sorority." Blair quickly changed the subject from Chuck. "It's the most exclusive on the campus." She said it as though it were an obvious choice due to the fact. "Perfect for society princesses, such as ourselves." She grinned.

Serena smirked and curtseyed before her. Blair was fully aware that her friend wasn't half as bothered about joining any kind of college sorority. But that didn't mean she couldn't be coerced into it one way or another.

"We have to go and receive our keys first of course." Blair sighed dreamily.

"You talk like I know what you mean." Serena chuckled. Blair was too lost in her plans to take much notice.

"Oh don't be ridiculous, of course you know what I mean." She scolded, shaking her head at Serena.

She began to babble enthusiastically to the bored blonde beside her about Hamilton House and how they would become members, the black limo parked across the street never even coming into her line of vision.

XOXO

So this was what he had amounted to. Stalking Blair Waldorf on her way to college. He'd have been ashamed of the fact if not for the beautiful sight of her as she hurried to Columbia, Serena in tow. They were obviously late; she had that funny little skip in her step that he recognised from each time he'd made them late to whatever party they were attending. Sometimes he would prolong his getting ready time just to witness her nervous walk. It was really rather adorable, more so from afar. She'd had none of it when he tried to mention it to her once, insisting that 'Blair Waldorf and Chuck Bass were never late and every body else was merely early.'

As he sat in the tinted security of his limo, he was free to appreciate the sway of her backside in the tight, sequined skirt she wore. When she had sadly moved out of his sight, he'd asked Arthur to take him back to the Empire unenthusiastically.

"How was your meeting?" Eva gushed, her face bright and happy when he walked through the elevator doors and back into his suite. She was dressed in a floral summer dress and her blonde hair was pinned back from her shoulders. He held his hand out to her, rubbing her shoulder softly.

"Wonderful. Everything went just as planned." Guilt crept into his being. He felt wrong touching Eva.

She beamed whole-heartedly. "I'm so glad, Chuck." She threw her arms around him. He breathed in the scent of her hair, she smelled good, but not as he was accustomed to. Her scent was too sweet.

"I ordered us some breakfast." She informed him, extracting herself from his grip and gesturing towards the table where she'd set out two plates and a variety of different dishes.

"Thanks. I'm starving." He moved to sit down, pulling her chair out for her first.

As they ate in silence, he pondered over his feelings for her. He'd told her that he loved her when they were in the store. That wasn't true. Not in the way she deserved at least. He did love her for saving him, for showing him the worth of his life. But he wasn't in love with her. Eva definitely was worthy of much more than him. She was good, honest and kind and he was a voyeur, watching Blair secretively from his limo.

He took a long drink from his coffee cup and stood, walking towards the floor to ceiling windows. Chuck observed the city as it bustled and he couldn't help but wonder why she hadn't tried to contact him after that night. Blair Waldorf wasn't exactly the type to let anything go. He couldn't comprehend the silence from her end.

Chuck spent most of the day checking Gossip Girl for news of Blair. She'd been accepted into Hamilton House and Serena hadn't, the fault of some girl called Juliet- her mistake, as if Blair Waldorf would do anything without her sidekick. He wanted her to call him, tell him about her day at college. It was conversation with her that he longed for. Eva didn't interest him in the same way as she did. Even when Blair spoke of trivial things, they were fuelled with passion and he craved that firey determination that only she possessed.

XOXO

When Blair got home, she saw Serena's shoes lying at the bottom of the stairs, and they were knocked over as though they'd been kicked off. Blair had stayed out with her Hamilton House sisters instead of going for the planned 'first day progress' dinner with her best friend and the guilt was eating her up. She'd been pressured into staying with Juliet when what she'd really wanted was to talk to Serena. She crept up the stairs quietly, taking her shoes off so that the clack of their heels didn't give her up.

Blair had successfully got into her room and locked the door behind her, dumping all of her stuff on the vanity beside her. She made a quick sweep of the room to make sure Serena wasn't waiting to ambush her and crawled under cool covers of her bed. She didn't bother to change into her pyjamas or take her makeup off because she hadn't any classes the next day.

XOXO

Chuck paced the length of his living room over and over. Having been unable to sleep at all, he'd re-dressed and left the bedroom where Eva rested peacefully. The soft hum of her breath had become irksome to him and he'd needed to get away. Grabbing his coat to protect him from the night air he took the elevator down to the hotel bar for some dutch courage before he headed out.

"Usual." He barked at the bartender who gave him a wide-eyed glance before turning to fulfil his request.

"Here you are, Mr Bass." The man placed the crystal glass down in front of him. He'd hadn't had anything to drink all summer when he'd been travelling with Eva, but now the pull towards alcohol was stronger than ever. He uttered something in the way of thanks towards the barman, who was stood to the side, washing some glasses and watching him cautiously out of the corner of his eye.

Chuck watched the ochre liquid swirl in the bottom of his glass, his eyes following the whirling pattern. It dawned on him why he couldn't sleep. He just needed to see her again. Knowing that she was okay, knowing how she felt was all he needed. Throwing the rest of his drink back he slammed the glass back down and rose from the bar stool. Stalking out of the Empire and into the night, he didn't bother to call Arthur, it wouldn't take him long to get there.

When he arrived outside her building he was less confident in his spur of the moment plan of action. He wavered in his decision and almost allowed himself to turn back like the coward he wanted to be. Instead he briefly squeezed his tired eyes and shook himself out of the pathetic desire to retreat. He stepped inside and the warmth of the grand building welcomed him. He liked to let himself believe that it was a sign that he'd done the right thing. In truth, he of course knew it was just the central heating system, but who was going to deny him.

When he arrived at the penthouse suite, Chuck stood in the darkness of the Waldorf foyer. He couldn't believe his luck- she'd not changed the access code since he'd last been here. His eyes made out the spacious rooms before him despite the darkness. Light poured from the landing upstairs and he knew it was one of those now or never moments that heroes faced in movies. He resisted the urge to crack his knuckles before ascending the winding staircase in pursuit of a familiar bedroom.

He stood on the carpeted space outside of her room. Eleanor and Cyrus were away so no one would come out and find him. He let his mind drift across potential scenarios. Perhaps she'd think him insane for coming to her room in the middle of the night. Perhaps he was, he realised with sudden disillusionment. What actually was his plan anyway? He hadn't any idea if he was honest with himself. While he stood, gazing intently at the door handle to her room, his mouth twitched and he pondered over what exactly he was going to do when she woke up and found him there. Her reactions were always volatile, especially so if he woke her. The realisation that he'd made a huge mistake hit him like a tonne of bricks and he started to back away from her door.

But something overtook his body and he marched back towards the room with purpose. Throwing care to the wind, he yanked on the handle to the door. It was locked. He recoiled from the traitorous door denying him access from her. She'd never locked it before; honestly he didn't even know that it did lock. With his trip's fate sealed by her seemingly new cautiousness, he huffed and sloped back down the stairs.

XOXO

Her eyes flew open when she heard someone trying to get into her room. Panic flooded her instantly. Her sleep had been interrupted by unwanted dreams so she'd been alert within seconds. She quietly slipped out of bed and grabbed for the closest blunt object to her then silently unlocked the door. She knew that investigating suspicious sounds by herself was hardly the wisest of choices but she didn't want to wake Serena and put her in harms way.

XOXO

When he heard someone move upstairs on the landing, Chuck sucked in an alarm stricken breath. He quickly stepped away from the elevator and into a dark corner. He saw Blair emerge from the landing, brandishing a bottle of hairspray. If he hadn't been aware of himself he definitely would have chuckled at the image of Blair Waldorf, ready to take on a fierce intruder with a can of extra strong hold styling spray. He watched, not daring even to breathe, as she padded, barefoot towards the elevator. He noticed her eyes widen in fright as the elevator bell dinged, then when the doors opened and she saw nobody her shoulders fell again. His heart aching, he wanted to come out from his hiding place and assure her that no one was going to hurt her, but he could only imagine what would happen if she knew it had been him all along. Instead he kept his eyes on her until she took one more glance around the foyer for good measure and then tiptoed carefully back up the stairs. He heard her re-lock the door of her room and left quietly, feeling torn in different directions. His heart told him one thing, but his brain the opposite.

XOXO

When she heard the elevator bell sound once more Blair's heart rate quickened until her chest was thumping uncontrollably. She was secure in her room now but she was absolutely convinced someone had been in her home uninvited. She rushed to the window that looked over the street, getting ready to dial the police as soon as she had an accurate description for the person who had been in her home. When she saw him come out of the building she gasped, staggering backwards briefly before regaining her composure and pressed her face against the window to make sure she'd seen correctly.

"Chuck?" She murmured, utterly confused. She saw him look up at her window so she stepped back into the darkness where she knew he wouldn't see her watching. She couldn't make out his expression well in the dark but as he slinked off into the black night she sunk onto the edge of her bed. She was totally shaken up. Her stomach was twisting and her heart was pounding. Why was he there? What did he want from her?

XOXO

Chuck woke up on the couch in his suite, his phone buzzing aggressively in his jacket pocket. He groaned and pulled it out of its confines, barely stopping to acknowledge who was calling him.

"Hello?" He grumbled into the receiver.

A soothing French voice rang through the other side. "Morning, Chuck. I wanted to see if you were okay. When I woke this morning you were sleeping on the couch so I left to do some errands."

He rubbed a hand across his face and stifled a yawn. "Fine." He answered in a sleepy voice. "I had a late meeting and didn't want to disturb you." He lied seamlessly. "Enjoy your day, I suppose I will see you in the evening?" He spoke as though it were a question but hung up the phone before she'd had enough time to respond.

Chuck ran a hand through his disheveled hair, grumbling as the previous night's events trickled gradually back into his broken memory. At least she'd not seen him. Every cloud, he thought and smirked to himself.

He went into the bathroom and splashed cold water into his face, feeling the stubble on his cheeks brushing against his palms. The cool sensation snapped him out of his drowsiness and he proceeded to shower and redress for the rest of the day.

XOXO

Blair woke up with her face stuffed into her pillow. When she lifted her head, she was confronted by imprint of her makeup from the night before. It would have been funny if she didn't already have an embarrassingly large quantity of tear and mascara stained pillowcases at the dry cleaner. Luckily she remembered that she didn't have any classes to attend for the day so she reluctantly hauled herself out of bed and moved slowly to the bathroom, climbing into the inviting shower and losing herself in the spray of warm water. Showers were always the best place for Blair to think. She rehashed what had happened through the night in her sleep-addled brain and recalled two things. Chuck had been in her home and he'd left without trying to make his presence known.

Her mind still somewhat hazy, Blair bundled herself up in a towel and went back to her bedroom. She sat on the corner of her vast bed and hugged the towel around her frame. Dorota knocked on the door and Blair unlocked it. She wasn't overly fussed about Dorota seeing her in a towel. She was her maid, but she'd been more like a mother to Blair than Eleanor ever had.

"Morning, Miss Blair." Dorota said as she bustled into her room, carrying a tray. The scent of strong coffee flooded Blair's nose and she felt herself drawn to it. Dorota smiled knowingly and poured her a large cup. Blair stood to accept it, wedging the bath towel under her arms securely as Dorota went to work changing her bed sheets. Sometimes Blair felt funny having everything done for her but that was the life of an Upper East Side princess and it was how she'd grown up. In honesty, Blair knew she wouldn't be able to make a bed as well as Dorota. She probably knew Blair's preferences better than Blair did herself.

"Long night?" Dorota asked as she pulled the cases from the pillows.

"Could say that." Blair's muffled voice came from inside the coffee cup as she took long sips.

Blair walked towards her closet, leafing through her huge array of dresses nonchalantly until she came across one she'd not yet worn- a Saint Laurent Tweed sequined mini dress. She chose matching knee high boots and a black cape to keep herself warm then walked back into her room. Dorota had already changed her bed and had left to do something else, so she laid her outfit choice down on the covers and grabbed her robe, hastily tying it at her waist. Her fingers went to hold the soft silk of the sleeve, how comforting it felt against her skin. She'd always been indulged with finery since she was a child.

Blair had finished three gargantuan cups of coffee by the time she was ready to leave the penthouse. She grabbed her purse and skipped down the stairs. Serena was at college so she'd have to patch it up with her later on. She had other, more pressing things to deal with first. Sliding into her town car, she ordered the driver to take her to the Empire hotel. She had a Bass to interrogate.

She felt uneasy as the hotel's large doors loomed in front of her. The Empire's doorman was giving her a peculiar stare and she frowned at him.

"Problem?" She snapped, frustrated by the perplexed expression on his face. He shook his head quickly. "As I thought." She huffed. "Now are you just going to stand there or are you going to open this door for me?" She felt anger and discomfort brewing in the pit of her stomach. The fool finally opened the door for her and mumbled something of an apology. She wasn't fussed about him really. He had every right to be bemused about what Blair Waldorf was doing at the Empire. But still, doormen who had once served her daily ought not to look at her with such prying eyes. Traitors. She thought with an edge of bitterness.

She knew that Eva wasn't here; she'd seen reports on Gossip Girl. Blair pulled the key card to his penthouse out of her purse, wondering if it would still even work. When it did she had been pleasantly surprised, but it also meant that she couldn't escape having to face him now. She stepped into the elevator and repeatedly pressed the close button until the doors slid shut, leaving her alone, away from the nosiness of Empire employees. She pushed herself up against the cool glass of the mirrored walls and shut her eyes. It wouldn't be much longer until the elevator had climbed all the way up to the top floor, then the doors would open and she couldn't back out. Her hands were shaking. The emergency stop button looked incredibly inviting.

XOXO

Chuck sat on the sofa in his suite, scrolling through emails on his laptop and drinking strong, black coffee from a large cup. He was grateful for the time alone. Eva was good company, but every man needed his alone time. That was until he heard the ring of the elevator bell, announcing the arrival of who he assumed would be Eva. He didn't look up from his email when he heard the click of heels on the floor. It wasn't until he heard her clear her throat that his head snapped up and he quickly shut the lid of his laptop. He stood to greet her.

"Well, this is a surprise." He cocked his head to one side and moved towards her, offering to take her coat.

Blair slid the cape off of her shoulders and handed it to him, her eyes still locked intently on his. Their fingers brushed together and he felt like he'd been electrified. He wasn't entirely sure he understood what was about to happen but any attention from her was welcome either way. He took the cape from her, it was warm and it smelled strongly of her. He laid it gently across the arm of the couch and then gestured for her to sit. She chose the corner farthest away from where he had been. Grinning inadvertently, he sat as close to her as was possible. He felt her shift uncomfortably and had to bite his cheek to stop himself from laughing.

"Forgive me if this seems rude, as it is always a great pleasure to _entertain_ you, but is there a specific reason that you are here, Blair? Other than for my divine company of course." He knew he sounded ridiculously smug and lecherous but he couldn't help himself. He could smell her and at once he felt inebriated by her presence.

"Yes. There is a reason, Charles." He loved it when she called him Charles.

"Well don't let me stop you from getting to the point. Coffee?" He offered, already pouring a cup for her.

"I've already had three." She said, reaching to take her fourth cup anyway, he observed how jittery her hands were as they closed around it. "Couldn't sleep last night, you see. I heard a noise downstairs and I know there was someone in my home." There was blatant accusation in her tone.

If it had been anybody else, they likely wouldn't have picked up on the fact that he'd momentarily frozen. She would have. She knew. He was sure. "Have you checked the security cameras?" He asked, a betraying squeak in his voice, as he busied his eyes with looking into the cup he held.

He heard her sigh and put her half drained coffee down on the glass table with a pointed slam. "Cut out all the innocent crap, Bass. I know it was you." She paused for a moment while he gathered his thoughts on the exposure of his late night visit to her penthouse. He felt his jaw twitching and pressed his lips together. "Oh and there's no use lying, I saw you leaving my building and who else would know the elevator code?"

He finally looked up at her, her expression was full of questions that he knew he didn't really have an answer to. "So I wanted to see you, sue me."

"You didn't even see me, Chuck. You freaked me out and then left." She blurted it all out quickly. "If I hadn't seen you I would have called the police. You're lucky you're so terrible at being sneaky." He saw her supress a giggle and he smirked. She visibly relaxed then. "At least invest in a beret." Her advice made light of the otherwise awkward situation.

"Look. I'm sorry. I genuinely am. But I needed to talk to you. I made a mistake." She interrupted him before he had time to continue.

"I know. I feel the same way. Last week shouldn't have happened. It's not fair to… Eva." The way she spoke her name made it sound like a bad word.

"Ouch. I wasn't going to say that anyway." He put a hand across his heart in mock hurt and glared at her accusingly. She just looked away and tucked a stray hair behind her ear, shifting in her seat.

"Oh. You weren't?"

"Obviously not." He had to stop himself shaking his head at her. "Nothing involving you and me is a mistake." He had been joking before but now he needed her to see the sincerity in his eyes so he dared to tuck his index finger under her chin and bring her face up to his. He felt her ease under his touch and he was filled with immense pride that he still had that effect on her. Lord knew she still had it on him.

She looked lost for words and nodded in response. He moved his finger from under her chin and paused hesitantly before taking her hand in his. He knew it was wrong; Eva could walk in at any second. But it felt right. He didn't know how else to explain himself.

"Chuck." She whispered, he heard the pain in her tone and her eyes dropped to the floor again.

"Blair." He reciprocated her anguish and lightly stroked the soft skin over her knuckles with his thumb.

Every fibre of his being wanted to pull her to him and claim her again. Unfortunately he knew that any serious moves had to come from her end. He'd broken the trust so he didn't get to make the decisions.

"Did you really mean it?" He began. "I mean. Do you really forgive me for everything I did to you?"

She nodded meekly and bit into her bottom lip. "But it doesn't change anything." Her voice cracked and he knew she was fighting back tears.

"Look at me. Please." He waited until she locked her gaze onto his. "It does. It changes everything." He searched her sad eyes. "I promise you that I can earn your trust back if you'll just let me." He was begging her now.

"Chuck." She said his name forlornly and a tear spilled down her cheek.

"Please don't cry. I hate it when you cry." He wiped the tear from her soft cheek and she turned her face unintentionally into his caress. "I hate making you cry." He admitted.

She eyed him carefully for a few moments. Suddenly in a whirl he felt her lips crashing over his and kissing him harshly. He felt passion, agony and grief through her kiss and returned it encouragingly. His arms wound around her waist, never breaking the lock of their lips and he pulled her onto his lap. Her legs settled either side of his and her hands tangled in his hair. The taste of mint and coffee on her tongue invaded his mouth and he delighted at the feel of her body, grinding up against his in hungry desire. He felt her fumble for the buckle of his belt and she grasped his hardening cock through the thin material of his pants. He hissed into her mouth and pulled her hands away, holding them tightly in his grasp.

"Not here." He said in a ravenous voice he'd never before heard himself use. She nodded against him and he lifted her into his arms, carrying her swiftly to the bedroom. He knew that he had to make it last, that he couldn't let it be over in seconds as it so easily could have been.

He lay her down onto the soft bed. He'd had the maids change all of the sheets in the morning so there was no evidence of the other woman to be found. He positioned himself on top of her and he ran his hands up and down her body, reacquainting himself with her sheer perfection. Her fingers moved to undo his shirt with haste and he let her pull it from his shoulders, lifting her so he could reach the zipper at the back of her dress. She turned away from him allowing him to unzip her. He kissed her neck, inhaling the perfume she wore and bathing in the glow she exuded.

Soon her dress lay discarded on the floor, along with his shirt and pants. He cupped her breasts through the filmy black bra, which concealed them from him. Reaching behind her he unclasped each hook slowly. Exposing the glory of her pert breasts to him. He peppered soft kissed from her jaw right the way down to her navel, eliciting soft moans from her the further he traveled. He'd almost let himself forget what she tasted like, how it felt to be with her.

"Please." She sighed.

One word. One word from her delicious lips was all that he needed to tear the panties away from her body and plunge two fingers into her hot, wet core. She gasped hard at the sensation and the little mews escaping her throat were ammunition for him to move his head in-between her legs and replace his fingers with his tongue. Sharp, rhythmic pants left her chest as he circled her throbbing clit with his tongue. Her taste was something else all together. He re-explored her, feeling how tight she was and relishing in the obvious fact that he was still the last person she'd slept with. When he moved his head away, she hummed in protest but shortly his lips were back on hers, moving rhythmically against her mouth. Her hand moved to his boxers, slipping her hand inside the front and grasping his rock hard manhood. She gave it a few, torturous strokes and then broke away from him to whisper enticingly into his ear.

"I need you. Now."

He complied with her request, taking his underwear off in a flash and positioning himself at her entrance. He thrust into her. He settled inside her as she readjusted to the feel of him. He saw her eyes roll back in her head and he knew it wouldn't be much longer until it was over. Her centre tightened around him and a guttural moan fell from his lips. He wound his arms around her waist and thrust in and out of her, feeling himself coming closer and closer to his climax. When her walls tightened even closer around him he could no longer control himself and came inside her. He lay atop her as they rode out their orgasms together and then collapsed to her side.

XOXO

As she lay beside him, heavily panting for breath, she realised she'd not felt like this in a long time. Content. She rolled back onto his chest lazily and pressed kissed onto his cheek, across his jaw and eventually her lips touched his. He responded lightly. The urgency was gone and it was as though they'd never left each others side and they were simply long time lovers sharing a kiss. But the stark reality of what had just occurred became apparent when his seed began to drip out of her, running down her thigh. She shot up and ran to the bathroom. He followed her idly, observing her as she turned the shower on and stepped inside, pulling her hair out of the way of the water she washed herself. She knew he wouldn't be capable of resisting the perfect opportunity to join her. She was right. He stepped in behind her and his hands replaced hers, gentling massaging soapsuds onto her skin. He paused as he washed the insides of her thighs and she felt herself relax into the solidity of his chest behind her.

"I hope you know you're perfect in all ways." He whispered into her ear. It was barely audible over the crash of the water against the floor of the shower but she smiled happily and turned to kiss him.

"I'm not. You make me feel it sometimes though." She murmured, pulling briefly away from his lips.

"Only you don't realise it." He countered, feeling his way down her spine and resting his hands on the small of her back as the water cascaded over them both.

XOXO

She was in the living area and he was probably primping his hair, she thought with a smirk, when the elevator chime sounded and Eva walked through. She looked at Blair with a mix of horror and surprise- Blair stopped breathing.

"Eva." She recomposed herself smoothly and offered her a tight smile. "I'm just here picking up something I left behind a long time ago." She explained, lying effortlessly. "Have you found it yet, Charles? Your girlfriend is back." Blair called out to Chuck who she was afraid wouldn't yet have realised Eva's return. She knew he'd catch on, he was intelligent.

The two women were left standing awkwardly in the main area for a few too many minutes, making pointless small talk while Blair waited for her cue to leave. Guilt crept up inside her at what had happened. This wasn't her, she didn't do this. She'd played a lot of games with a lot of people, but this- cheating- wasn't one.

When Chuck at last emerged, Blair hadn't expected him to have managed to maintain the cover up she'd invented on the spot quite so well. He handed her a surprisingly heavy luggage bag and she smiled at him gratefully, pondering what could possibly be inside. She didn't actually think anything had been left behind there when she'd ordered that Dorota pick her stuff up as she couldn't possibly face Chuck.

"Thank you, Chuck." She muttered. "I'd better be leaving." She added, turning to go.

"You're welcome." He said coolly. She knew he was acting but it still felt odd.

"Goodbye, Blair." Eva said. Her tone was so genuine and kind that Blair felt all the more sick at her actions. She shouldn't allow herself to feel guilty towards Eva. She was, for all intents and purposes, her enemy.

With a lot to consider, Blair walked back towards the elevator and stepped inside. The doors closed quickly, but not before she saw Eva reach up to kiss Chuck. Her stomach flipped and she baulked at the sight and threw herself against the wall when the doors had shut. When she stepped out into the street, the fresh air hit her heavily and she clambered into her car, ordering her driver to take her home immediately. She didn't know what she'd thought would happen, but to see him kiss her made her want to scream and cry. She was jealous and she couldn't do anything about it. She had hardly expected him to throw Eva aside on the spot and declare his love to her, but he could have at least waited until she was out of the building he'd just had her in. To try and take her mind off of it, Blair opened the bag he'd given her. Inside she found a photo album that she recalled buying for them but never filling. She assumed initially he had just been returning it to her as pretense. Something willed her to open the pages and when she did, her heart thudded. It was filled to the very last pages with photos of them that he'd kept. Blair's eyes brimmed with tears and she cried for what she'd gained and lost all in a few short hours.


	4. Love and lust

Thanks to all those who review my chapters. You motivate me. I love you. I really had to find a way to include the infamous piano sex because this is just entirely different from the TV show plot line.

XOXO

_Love and Lust_

_And on that cheek, and o'er that brow_

_So soft, so calm, yet eloquent,_

_The smiles that win, the tints that glow,_

_But tell of days in goodness spent, _

_A mind at peace with all below,_

_A heart whose love is innocent!_

"Do you want to talk about it?" Serena's voice came muffled from outside the door that Blair had slammed on her way into her room. Blair dove into her bed as soon as she got the chance; shoving the bag Chuck had given her underneath. She wanted to shove everything else out of her mind along with it.

"I'm coming in." Serena announced decidedly loudly before opening the door that was still shaking a little from where it had been slammed so heavily. Blair shuddered under her duvet, her cheeks streaked with tears. Everything was wrong in her life again. She should never have let Chuck talk her round, she should have known better than to be manipulated into his bed. He had gotten what he wanted now and she'd just be left out in the cold while he cozied up to Eva once more. She felt like a whore, this wasn't how she did things. Blair Waldorf was raised to be respected.

A hand pulled the duvet away from Blair, who was curled up into a foetal position as though protecting herself. She grasped for the covers to feel the protective warmth again, but Serena was holding on tight and sat herself atop the edge of the duvet so that Blair couldn't reach.

"What the hell happened today, Blair?" Serena's eyebrow creased as she observed the mess her friend was in. "Is this about Hamilton House?"

Blair shook her head furiously. She had no care for such trivial nonsense now. "I slept with him, Serena." She spoke bleakly, pulling her legs into her chest and cradling herself. "He managed to lure me back in and I fell for the bait." By the time she'd managed to stammer the rest of the sentence, Blair's voice cracked and she rested her head on her knees.

Serena sighed audibly. "Blair." She didn't know how to respond. Blair couldn't blame her; she'd been unbelievably foolish to crawl back into bed with Chuck Bass. She hated even thinking his name. "It's nothing to be ashamed of." Serena offered meekly.

Her head snapped up. "Of course it is, Serena. I'm not his girlfriend anymore, I have, for all intents and purposes, had a one night stand with a man who was not single." Serena bit her lip. "I can't believe myself. I'm so stupid and not to mention loose!"

Blair felt an arm round her shoulders. "Blair, honestly it was only a matter of time before he left her anyway."

"Serena you don't understand." Blair's voice was hushed. "She came back and he pretended like nothing happened. He kissed her in front of me." Her stomach wrenched at the recollection. "S, I wanted to die."

"Blair he's disgusting. You seriously need to disassociate." She could hear the pure rage in Serena's voice and her insides started to burn with matching anger.

"You're right." Blair said. "He deserves to feel the way I do." She nodded, her face written with resolution.

Serena smiled triumphantly. "Exactly. If you put him through even half of what he's done to you recently he'd see."

"I'm going to call an old friend." Blair said, still hiccuping from her tears.

XOXO

The following day, Serena had gone to college early, Blair had a later class and so was staying home to finish some work. She'd just stepped out of her room and started moving down the stairs when the elevator chimed and in strolled Chuck Bass, clad in his signature bowtie and suit. He proffered an exquisite bouquet of peonies and a vintage bottle of Dom towards her and she had to force herself to scowl at him.

"What are you doing here?" She folded her arms standoffishly across her chest as he took a few steps towards her. He was more than a little bit in her personal space and she had to remind herself that she was supposed to care.

He smiled at her. "Hoping we could… pick up where we left off yesterday. If you see what I mean?"

"Of course I see what you mean." She supressed the butterflies flitting in her stomach and swatted her hands at him. "That was a mistake, Bass."

He put the flowers and champagne down on the table beside them in the foyer. "Here we go with the mistake thing again." He spoke casually and she disliked that.

"I mean it, Chuck. That shouldn't have happened and you cemented the fact by welcoming your _girlfriend_ back with open arms." He couldn't have missed the emphasis she put on the word girlfriend in a million years.

"Come on, Blair." He ran his fingertips across her bare collarbone. The hairs on her arms rose at the sensation. She jerked away from his touch before it got out of hand. "Please. You know I don't want to touch anybody else." He grabbed her wrist and pulled her closer to him again. The genuine tone of his words made her melt a tiny bit, but she had to keep to her resolve.

"Then leave her. You can't be touching me while you're touching her!" She screamed.

His mischievous grin fell flat. "If you only knew." He said solemnly.

"If you would exercise a little self restraint. "She said coolly, pulling her arm out of his grip and stepping out of his reach.

"Why are you playing coy today?" He sized her up, narrowing his eyes at her icy attitude.

"It went to far yesterday. It's not happening again. Ever." She spoke with solid finality and saw him wince a little bit.

Something must have snapped in him as he stalked out, not even glancing back at her to snip. "As you wish, princess."

When the elevator doors shut, she let herself release a deep breath and her eyes cast over to the discarded gifts he'd brought over for her. It was a thoughtful gesture and her heart swelled as she brought them through to the kitchen for Dorota to deal with. She allowed herself to feel for Chuck, just not in his presence. That was when things got messy.

XOXO

Chuck returned to an empty suite, furious with the way the event at Blair's penthouse had played out. He'd definitely expected a warmer welcome than he had received from her. He knew what he had to do if she'd ever even consider him again. He planned to end things kindly with Eva on Saturday, after the party he'd promised to attend with her. She'd not take it well, he imagined, but she'd done so much for him that he felt he had to be true to her and do the right thing. He didn't want to lead anybody on, least of all the woman who had rescued him and nursed him back to health.

When she'd returned that evening, full of stories about her shopping trip with Lily, he'd listened intently, playing the doting boyfriend as best he could. Nothing felt right with her anymore. He was back on his own territory and though he hated to admit it, she simply didn't belong there. They had nothing in common. She didn't understand his world even a little bit. She talked about clothes like they were a necessity rather than a passion and her barefaced beauty approach, although charming, wasn't good enough for the judgement she'd face from his friends. Blair used to tell him that makeup was war paint whenever he'd tell her she looked gorgeous without. Even thinking about her upset him. If he was honest with himself, all he wanted was Blair by his side, she said she'd forgiven him but he still wasn't sure he believed her.

"Chuck?" A voice broke him out of his Blair centric thought process.

"Mmh?" He responded lazily.

"Are you listening?" She waved a hand in front of his face and giggled. When he smiled sheepishly at Eva, she grinned. "Long day?"

"Something like that." He responded.

She flashed a grin at him and stood to clear their plates.

"The staff will do that." He told her.

Eva looked up from her task. "I know." She bit her lip. "You keep telling me all of these things about your life. About how I should expect to be waited on. But I've never had this before, Chuck. I like to do things that make me feel less dependent. This life that you've invited me into isn't anything I could have gotten for myself or ever expected to. I need to do something to repay you for your generosity."

This was what he liked about Eva. She wanted to be normal. He did too; it was just that he had too many responsibilities to take care of. When he'd disappeared, the Empire had almost crumbled beneath him and he'd had to fight hard over the past few weeks in order to get it back on its feet. It was slowly recuperating but he still needed to pay his business a lot of attention, he couldn't afford to be a 'normal' person with her. A small part of Chuck wanted to run away with her, avoid all of the truths and mistakes in his life but he'd done that and nothing good had come of it, nothing good could. The only good thing in his life had been Blair and he needed her back to be truly happy. Taking the oh-so desirable easy route simply wasn't an option this time. If he did anything else that conveyed weakness he'd not be able to make himself good enough for her.

"It's okay, I understand." He said soothingly, getting up to help her with the rest of their crockery. Eva relaxed her stiff stance and continued with her chore. He understood the feeling. Chuck had never felt like his father thought him worthy of the life he was living. But he'd given up trying to prove himself when he realised he couldn't though.

When Eva had made her bedroom plans clear for the night, Chuck made up a meeting that was imperative for him to attend. He hadn't properly slept in the same bed as her since that night in the bathroom with Blair. He'd avoided getting closer than a kiss because now he couldn't shake the feeling that touching his girlfriend was cheating. He didn't even like thinking of her as his girlfriend anymore in truth.

Chuck sat in the back of his limo, circling central park as he let his brain wander over what exactly he could do with himself until it was okay to go home. There was one overriding thought that nagged in the back of his mind, but he'd suffered enough rejection from her already today.

_"Leave her!"_ She'd shouted it, but it was riddled with the sound of pleading. He wanted to, he wanted nothing more than to do just as she'd asked, but part of earning a woman like Blair back was being an honourable man on the journey there.

XOXO

Blair was having trouble sleeping. She was alone in the penthouse because Serena was at her Mother's house for the night She was trying everything she could not to acknowledge it, but she had an itch that needed scratching. An itch only a certain Charles Bass could scratch. She rolled her eyes at the ridiculousness of her predicament and decided that in no way would he sleep with her after she'd shot him down and she certainly would not lower herself to that, disgusting slut standard again. Being Chuck Bass' whore was a shameful position that a girl like her should frown upon in distaste. She wouldn't do it to herself.

Or maybe she would, what a waste of an empty house it would be. She pulled herself unwillingly out of bed and grabbed her phone out of its charger at the foot of her desk. Just once, they would never have to admit it had happened again. She would play on his needs to get what she wanted as always and feel like an awful person afterwards.

'_Bass…_' Blair typed, testing the waters to see if he was awake.

'_Waldorf_' He responded, almost instantly.

He was clearly unengaged so she just had to think about her next move carefully.

'_That bottle of Dom you left here, I was thinking, maybe we could share it together and see where it takes us? Such a shame to waste a fine vintage._'

'_Forgive me if I'm reading into this, but are you suggesting what I think you are?_'

She smirked victoriously.

'_Yes_'

She knew that one word was all he needed and she bit back a giggle as she skipped to her wardrobe, finding the perfect costume.

XOXO

He arrived outside her building, not quite able to believe the message he'd received and still somewhat wary. After stopping at a late night florist, he had a fresh bouquet in hand and after briefly recomposing himself, he marched straight over to the elevator and stepped inside, punching in the code he remembered a little too well.

When he arrived at her home, the doors opened and his eyes found her, sprawled across the grande piano he used to play for her entertainment, clad in nothing but lingerie and leaning back enticingly on one arm. His watering mouth almost gaped open and he prowled towards her.

"Well you've certainly put on quite the show." He commented. She simply lifted a champagne flute to her lips and the stocking cased leg, which she'd hung sexily over the edge of the piano, swung. He moved closer towards her, the scent of her perfume clouding his senses as he took in the glorious shape of her body.

She was wearing an Agent Provocateur set that he remembered buying for her when they were together. He raised his brows and gave her a nod of approval. The black lace concealed enough to leave something to the imagination but accentuated all of the things he loved about her. Lace, silk, mesh and tiny bows adorned her delicious figure and he was almost close enough to touch her.

"Champagne?" Even her raspy voice was seductive. She held a glass, topped with a sumptuous red strawberry, towards him. She plucked the berry from the rim and closed her plump lips around it. The red juice spurted out and trickled from the corner of her mouth. Her tongue darted out to catch it and her teeth sank into her bottom lip alluringly as she gazed up at him hungrily through her thick eyelashes. He wasn't sure he'd ever wanted her quite this much.

Determined to make it last, he took the glass from her fingers and essentially inhaled the drink.

"Needed a bit of Dutch courage did we?" She giggled. The sound chorusing through his ears. "Maybe I should cover up a little, wouldn't want you getting flustered now would we?"

She heaved herself up lazily and crawled idly along the surface of the piano, reaching for a robe that had been discarded beside her, giving him a splendid view of her ass as she did.

"No." He growled, pulling her waist roughly back. He saw her eyes widen with excitement. "So you want to play?" He purred, leaning closely her, whispering into her ear.

She pulled herself away from him and he locked his eyes on her intensely. Every inch of her body was electrified by desire.

"I always want to play." He narrowed his gaze and pulled her close to his body, running his hands up and down the side of her lithe form. He trailed upwards, his touch feather light, running his fingers over her pert breasts. The small hums of appreciation urged him onwards. He saw her eyes flutter closed as she tossed her head back. If she wanted games, she'd get games.

XOXO

When she felt the loss of his touch, she opened her eyes and pulled him back to her in protest, pouting as she did so. She held his face in her palms, lifting his lips to his slowly, teasingly. They were almost touching when he turned his head so she made contact with his cheek instead.

"What are you doing?" She huffed in frustration.

"Exactly what you asked me to." He spoke with pretended innocence and she shoved him roughly to one side, hopping down from the piano.

"Right. So why is that not taking me right now on top of this lovely piano?" She wasn't in the right frame of mind to have him tease her tonight and she placed her hands on her hips, suddenly feeling very exposed.

"Because that's not what you asked." She could see him suppressing a grin.

"And what exactly did I ask then, Chuck?" She glared at him.

"To exercise some restraint." He snickered, wrapping a hand back around her waist as she began stalking away. He yanked her back into place, pinning her against the piano. "But if that's not what you want anymore, just say the words."

"Okay I don't want you to show restraint." She whimpered, her legs turning to jelly beneath her.

"Well I did gather from the… outfit you put together for me." He muttered, brushing her hair away from her neck so he could lean down to kiss her. Just as his lips were hovering above hers he whispered "I want you to beg."

She snorted and pushed his chest away from her. "You think I need to beg?" He must have known he was pressing his luck.

Chuck cocked his head to one side. "I think I might be partial to it, yes." He sat nonchalantly on the edge of an armchair. "Think about it this way. You say please, you get what you want."

Blair smiled. "Oh." She breathed sensually, walking slowly towards him. She saw his eyes flit up and down her body. Her state of undress would bode well for her here, she was sure. "And why exactly do you imagine I'll be the one who can't control my desires." She bent over, her breasts almost spilling out of her bra in front of him. He swallowed and she reached inside his jacket, running her hands over his torso and dangerously close to his throbbing cock.

"Because, dear Blair, remember, it was _you_ who called _me_ here." He choked out as she ran her hand across his length through the flimsy material of his pants.

"Hmm. One might have thought you got here unusually quickly too, as though you'd been on you way already."

"I'll concede that I was already out, but not on my way here." He croaked as she rubbed herself against him like a cat in heat.

"Well if you've somewhere more important to be, far be it for me to... stop you attending to your business." Her tongue curled around the words

He clearly couldn't take any more of her torture because he grabbed her and hoisted her onto the piano, ripping his own shirt and jacket off. "I think we both know that you're the only thing I'll be attending to tonight."

"I'm not sure I'm alright with being referred to as a thing." She said haughtily, trying impossibly hard to resist him as he placed soft kisses all over the most sensitive parts of her neck, cheeks and décolletage.

"My mistake." He murmured into her skin softly. "I meant evil vixen temptress, of course."

"Much better." She chuckled, leaning back on her elbows so that he could reach her more effectively. She was allowing herself to crash and burn but she didn't care, his touch was like a drug that she couldn't live without. Everything about him she needed and it was just convenient that he was all too eager to provide her.

He'd unclasped her bra and his talented mouth was working on her nipples. She had to shut her eyes, just feeling the intense pleasure rather than seeing. The swell between her legs was aching forwards and her hips bucked against him involuntarily.

"Easy, tiger." He muttered, nipping at her shoulder.

"Don't play with me." She moaned, finding herself somewhat unfulfilled.

"You asked me to though." He whispered into her shoulder as he gently kissed it.

"I'll beg if I have to." She whined and his head shot up. His hands moved down to her panties and he removed them swiftly with little effort.

"You won't ever have to beg, Blair. "

He pulled his own underwear off and poised himself. She took a deep breath in and he was inside her, thrusting in and out quickly. She squealed at the sensation and he pressed his lips feverishly to hers, branding her as his own. She felt him groan deeply into her mouth as their tongues collided and tangled, he built up a rhythm.

It was over in what seemed like seconds as they came together. She screamed his name over and over as she climaxed. They lay together for a while, breathing deeply while they recovered from the act. He shifted so she was draped across his chest. She felt his heart beating quickly against her skin and smiled. All of a sudden she felt incredibly bereft and disenchanted.

"Is this us now?" She asked, still a little breathless.

"What do you mean?" He responded, tracing patterns onto the bare skin of her back.

"Casual adultery and then you hop back into bed with your girlfriend." Her voice was morose and a little bitter, she hated it for betraying her. He lifted her chin up so she would have to look at him.

"You must know I'm not sleeping with her." His tone was serious. "How could I be?"

"I don't know. You're Chuck Bass." She said his name with a sarcastic flourish and he shook his head.

"How many times? I'm not Chuck Bass without Blair Waldorf."

She felt warmth at the sound of his words but they did little to thaw the ice building up inside of her. She knew it would reach her heart soon and she'd do something she'd regret.

"Then what are we doing?" She knew he wouldn't have an answer to her question. He was full of romance, but when it came to it he didn't know how to get out of the rut they'd fallen into either. "Why are you with someone else?"

"I'm trying." He said after a long time.

She propped herself up on one elbow and frowned. "And what precisely does that mean? You're avoiding the question."

"I don't know. Honestly I'd love to be able to tell myself, let alone you. But all I know is that I'd rather be here, with you on top of a piano that, to be frank, is freezing, than at my suite in a bed with the woman who I brought home."

"Lets just not talk about her anymore. I already feel like some tarnished other woman." Blair said, feeling bile rising to her throat at the realisation that Eva was once again waiting, unaware, at home for Chuck while he was fucking her on a piano. She got up and could feel his eyes on her naked body, she felt dirty like she needed to cleanse herself. She found the robe she'd dropped earlier, tying it tight around her waist to cover up as she gathered all of the removed lingerie and clothing, folding it into a neat pile.

"Ever tidy." He joked uncomfortably from the shining black surface of the piano that was now ruined for her forever.

"Come on." She said, pulling his arm.

XOXO

He let her drag him upstairs and into her room where she walked into her closet and emerged dressed in a silk short pyjama set. He'd already put his underwear back on by the time she'd returned and she peeled back the duvet on her bed. She went to lock the door to her room and then got into bed. He stood for a moment, dithering about whether or not to join her.

She answered for him. "Chuck, get in."

He nodded and walked round to the other side of the bed.

"I know it doesn't change anything, but I just want us to sleep in the same bed one last time. I miss you holding me."

His heart gave a monumental thump at her words as he slid in behind her. His arm went around her small waist and he held her closely to him. He'd missed her too. He never wanted anyone else in his personal space.

"I do as well." He said.

He heard a muffled sniffle from her and prayed she wasn't crying. She'd cried because of his actions far too much recently and it made him feel wretched.

"Chuck." Her small voice sounded very desolate.

He simply hummed in response.

"We can't keep doing this. This has to be the last time. I won't be that kind of girl. Not even for you."

_"Not even for you."_ What was that supposed to mean? His head hurt with the analysis of her words.

He didn't say anything. He simply held onto her tighter and burrowed his face into her hair, inhaling the scent of her shampoo before she inevitably disappeared from him again. He felt a sob quiver through her and muttered soothing words to her as though she were a child, seeking comfort. He wished it were as simple as that. Allowing himself to enjoy the moment of familiarity, he let himself pretend that nothing had changed and he had in fact asked for her hand in marriage.

He fell asleep with thoughts of them, together. It was the most peaceful sleep that he'd experienced in months and he knew exactly why. There was little use in denying the impact that she had on him, it wouldn't do him any good to pretend that she didn't cause his heart to smash almost daily.

XOXO

_She was totally unaware that it was a dream as she felt herself drowning in depths of a dark, sticky substance that engulfed and obscured her from saviour. She tried to scream but it was in her throat and she couldn't shout for help. She was about to give up when she felt a hand grasp her from above, pulling her out, rescuing her. When she wiped her eyes, Chuck stood before her, his face wrought with worry and relief. She was about to wrap her arms around him when Serena shoved him to one side, screaming._

"Stay away from him, Blair! You can't trust him!" Serena yelled, pushing Chuck away from her. He reached around to take her hand and she held it tight. Believing whole-heartedly in the man who had saved her from drowning.

"No, S. He saved me, it's okay. I trust him." Blair tried to reason with Serena who continued shouting.

"Blair it's his fault you fell in. He pushed you."

Blair took a step back from Chuck. Her hand dropped from his and her forehead creased.

"What?" Was all she could think to say.

"He pushed you, Blair." Serena said solemnly.

"I didn't mean to." Chuck finally spoke. His voice sounded innocent, child-like and Blair wanted to go to him. She took a step forward and Serena grabbed her wrist, yanking her away.

"No, Blair!" She screeched, Blair wanted to cover her ears. "He'll do it again. He wants to hurt you."

"I don't." Chuck murmured.

Blair stared at him in confusion. "Then why do you?"

"I don't know any other way." He didn't speak maliciously; he just seemed confused and unknowing. Chuck extended a hand towards her again but instead of going to him, she cowered away, fearing that he might drown her.

"I'm sorry, Chuck. I can't let you drown me anymore." She felt tears falling endlessly from her eyes. "Everyone says you're hurting me on purpose."

Suddenly, Chuck nodded wordlessly and moved towards the door, preparing to leave the room. Blair watched him go and when the door shut behind him let out a shrill scream. "No!" She yelled, following after him. Only when she reached the door herself, it disappeared in front of her eyes. She turned back to Serena who was smiling kindly at her.

"What happened to the door?" Blair asked, tears welling up in her eyes.

"He's gone. He hurts you too much to be allowed to have you." Serena pulled Blair into a warm hug that felt friendly and right.

"But I love him. I don't care if he hurts me, I just want him."

"You will move on, Blair. You will." Serena rocked her back and forth until she wanted to throw up.

She woke with a start. A warm body behind her anchored her into place and she panicked immediately. She tried to wrench herself free, but his hold was binding and she wouldn't be able to get away until he woke.

She stayed wrapped in his arm, settling back into the heat of his embrace. She didn't stop the tears that streamed down her face as she accepted the reality of her pathetic situation. The man who she loved and needed was the one she couldn't have. He made her whole but broke her into tiny fragments again when she gave him the chance. Blair clenched her teeth and squeezed her eyes shut. The torture of the predicament she kept finding herself in was bittersweet. She wanted him more than oxygen and that was why she kept going back, no matter what he did. She sighed shakily and cradled her head as the tears kept coming. Love shouldn't feel this way, nothing should. She wanted pure, simple love not the endless pain she felt with Chuck. Her head pounded and she just wanted the ground to swallow her up so she could disappear from the struggle that was her existence.

She allowed herself to bask in the divine suffering that was his presence. Making juvenile mental lists in her head as she had when she'd been considering Nate with Serena so many years ago. There were countless pros to a relationship with Chuck. He was her soul mate, she was sure of that without a shadow of a doubt. He could love her as wholly as she loved him. But she was at risk with him. He put her on edge. She felt terrified of letting her guard back down to him. He'd devastated her heart once, he could do it again.

XOXO

When he woke she was in his arms. He forgot briefly that she wasn't his anymore and cuddled closer to her. He felt more content than ever with the feeling of her enveloped in his arms. He shut his eyes and inhaled the perfume of her silky hair. She smelled faintly like Chanel No.5 and shampoo. It was delicious to him and he wanted to savour the moment as long as he could.

It was the slight shake of her breathing that rocked him out of his blissful imagination and he realised that the woman he held wasn't his girlfriend now. There was another waiting back at his suite for him. He felt a shudder ripple through her frame and his eyes snapped open. Turning her swiftly to face him he wined at the vision of her tear streaked face, offering a pained gaze as she tried to duck her head into his chest.

Chuck lifted her chin up so he could see her beautiful, fresh face and his chest tightened at her sorrow.

"Baby." He cooed gently, attempting to soothe her as fat tears continued to spill from her closed eyes.

She felt like a limp doll as he manoeuvred her to sit on his lap as he rested his back against the headboard. His legs were crossed and he held her waist, there was nowhere for her to hide now. He lifted his fingers up to her face, wiping away her tears as they unrelentingly fell. He wasn't sure he'd ever seen her this way and he wanted to take her sadness away more than anything.

Sobs shook through her mercilessly and his arms engulfed her, trying to steady her trembling shoulders.

"Please stop crying. I can't bear it." He begged, wiping the moisture from her face. She nodded but couldn't seem to gather her composure so he waited, placing tender kisses over her cheeks and shoulders. He would wait until she wanted to talk about it, even if it took all day. "I want to be here for you." He admitted to her in a small voice. She gave him a weak smile.

"You'll hate me for it." She whispered, her eyes filling up again.

"Never. I couldn't." He ran his hand up and down her forearm reassuringly, searching her gaze for some indication.

"I can't do this, Chuck. I want it so much but…" She paused and the blank look on her face broke him. "I'm scared I'll never be able to trust you with my heart." She burst into tears again and his ribcage felt heavier than it ever before had. The despair her words struck in him was insurmountable and he wanted to run and jump out of a window at the thought that she couldn't trust him.

He couldn't provide her with a good enough response so he simply nodded. He could hardly breathe and the hurt was incomparable to anything else.

"I'm sorry." Her voice sounded bleakly. "I want you more than anything." He believed her whole-heartedly. "But I can't trust you anymore. I need to follow my head and not my heart. God knows it's broken and useless now." He was about to attempt response when she lifted a finger to his lips. "My heart is destitute, Chuck. It's hardly worth having. But I need you to understand that it is still yours."

Her words made it all even harder to accept. They held each other's hearts but he'd broken hers so badly that she couldn't even find her way back.

"I'm so sorry." Was all he could make his voice croak.

She smiled at him, eyes watery. She leaned closer to him, her long hair brushing his bare chest. Her arms wound around his neck as she pressed her lips softly to his. Their kiss wasn't fuelled by passion or desire, but melancholy. The way he needed Blair Waldorf was going to be the death of him. He was sure.


	5. Separation

Hi. I just wondered if somebody would like to beta the story for me? I've never had a beta before so I don't really know what it entails; I guess I'd have to be taught haha. But I feel like it would be a good plan. If anybody is interested PM me?

Also, in light of one particular guest review which was left today, I'd like to offer my response: I know where I'm going with this and I'm not going to make apologies for that. I'm not having Chuck 'fool around' with anyone, the whole point is that he's torn between Blair, who he loves, and, Eva, who saved him. Also Blair isn't jumping into a relationship with him at any point so far. I'm trying to work them around the whole situation, incorporating their magnetism, without just throwing them back into the same relationship as before. I'm bringing others into the lives of Chuck and Blair because that is what they always do when they're insecure with regard to their position to one another on the show. My aim is never to damage them because they are my favourite characters in the history of TV. But to the same note, I think that this particular story-line deserved more depth than the four episodes the show gave it, thus my reasoning for writing this fic. If you had anything constructive to add to your criticism, I'd appreciate that much more. Sorry that you feel so strongly opposed to my plot- however I happen not to agree that what I'm doing is "pointless".

_Separation_

_When we two parted_

_In silence and tears,_

_Half broken-hearted  
><em>

_To sever for years,_

_Pale grew thy cheek and cold,  
><em>

_Colder thy kiss;_

_Truly that hour foretold  
><em>

_Sorrow to this._

He didn't speak a single word to her as he left. He glanced back to see her huddled in a ball in the middle of her vast bed. She lifted her head to meet his gaze and the sadness in the pit of his stomach was reciprocated in her eyes. It would be so easy for him to revert back to his fail-proof life of sex, drugs and drinking. He knew he wouldn't succumb to its temptations though; if she was to ever trust him again, he needed to prove his reform to her.

He turned away and opened the door, shutting it silently behind him. He felt a huge weight float down and rest on his shoulders as he absentmindedly sloped down the marble staircase, his hand running across the smooth wood of the railing, appreciating the familiar surroundings. This was where he wanted to be, but exactly where he couldn't be. His eyes went to the piano. He recalled the image of her, spread out across it in lingerie he'd bought her. The fact she had kept it made him feel much better. There had to be some sentiment, something that made her keep it. He fondly remembered one occasion when he hadn't been paying her enough attention so when he'd come home to her, sheepishly bringing her a highly suggestive gift from La Perla, she'd proceeded to throw it into the trash can before him and then pour the glass of red wine he'd poured himself over it.

His body felt hollow as he stepped out onto the warm street. He closed his eyes, ignoring the spectacle he was likely creating. He let himself feel properly for the first time in months. He'd closed himself off, stopped himself accepting the heavy beating of his heart whenever something reminded him of her. While he'd been staying in Paris he could not get her out of his head. Everywhere he'd turned there were reminders. When he saw her in the car he'd thought it was an illusion, her voice had broken through his reverie of confusion and he just stared, his cane barely holding him up as she gaped at him. The horror in her stare had torn up inside him and his healing wounds were ripped back open again.

When he started back towards his hotel, he knew he'd have no questioning glances from Eva, no mistrust. She would believe whatever lie he spun about a meeting without query. He almost resented her faith in him. Perhaps if she did ask he would have told the truth, but she wouldn't. She'd merely beam at him and drop it. He wondered if the unfaltering trust she had in him was what allowed him to do all the things he did. He'd never have to deal with the confrontation from her and thus he could do whatever he wished. He knew he'd never do that to Blair, she'd not give him the chance.

As he drew closer to the Empire, Chuck realised it was exactly where he didn't want to be. He didn't want to play house anymore. It was supposed to be forever, she was supposed to be his forever. Chuck would have done absolutely anything to rewind time, but he'd already fucked everything up and it was all his doing. For a while he'd tried to convince himself it had started with her going to see his uncle, but it had all started with him. Elizabeth, Jack- they stemmed from him, not her. She'd wanted to help him and he had too much pride to just ask her.

_"I would have done anything for you. All you had to do was ask."_ The words rung through his memory and his face slumped. She would have, he'd known that even as he was setting her up. All he needed to do was tell her and she would have helped him, but his egotism got in the way.

He knew he wouldn't see her again for a while unless it was at a mandatory social event. He forced himself to take the short elevator ride up to his suite, preparing himself with a façade of indifference as the doors opened. He saw a blonde head over the top of the couch, she hadn't heard him yet. He stole a moment to allow himself to just observe her. She was writing in a journal as the television blared in front of her. He'd watched her writing in her diary before but never had it seemed such an intense act. Suddenly he felt wrong, intrusive and he cleared his throat to announce his presence. She snapped the book shut, turning to greet him. Her features were plastered with a welcoming grin and he returned it weakly.

"Chuck." She said, her accent was somehow getting less pronounced. "There you are." He made his way over sit beside her and she tucked the journal under the cushion next to her. He imagined that she'd assume he knew nothing of the diary she kept, he of course respected her privacy, but intrigue as to what she had written on those pages filled him.

He let her cuddle into his side, feeling her gentle fingers caressing his hand. Her touch was feather light and almost cautious. Perhaps she knew he didn't really belong to her.

"Lets go away again, Chuck." She murmured quietly. He stilled next to her. The prospect of leaving New York again made him extremely nervous. "Just you and I. Lets get away from here, from all the stress." He grimaced. "I can see how tense you are. You've barely touched me these past few days." If only she knew why.

He took a moment before speaking again. He wanted to see the world and all of its wonders but he didn't want to do it with her. She wanted the backpacking kind of escape; he was made for five star hotels, five star restaurants and five star company. He wanted to see the world with Blair. He wanted it to be their world.

"Eva." He said her name as a sigh. "I can't just run away with you. I have so many responsibilities here." He felt her rhythmic caresses falter as she released a deep, disappointed breath. "It's not that I don't want to." He lied. "I just can't flee from the world I owe so much to. The Empire suffered when I was away, I need to stay here to keep it on its feet."

She nodded against his chest and he began idly playing with a strand of her hair. He was thankful that he had avoided the subject of why he hadn't been touching her. She was more of a friend to him now. He still felt a connection to her, but it wasn't on the romantic level that she thought it was. He was grateful to her, not enamoured by her.

XOXO

Blair missed college the following eight days. She needed time to heal and she couldn't do that at Columbia. She'd received numerous text messages from the Hamilton House sisters, but she didn't care to respond. Her only friend worthy of any note was Serena and if they couldn't accept her, then Blair would not accept them. She didn't care to be in anyone's company and knew she was spiralling back down into the depths of darkness she'd struggled so ferociously to pull herself out of.

Serena had bought her lunch and her missed work everyday. Blair mostly stayed in bed and watched films. She would put the food Serena had bought over in the bin after she left each time. Her appetite was non-existent and she only ate when Dorota forced her, even then it was at an absolute minimum. Two grapes here, a bite of a macaron there. She didn't allow herself to cry, she'd shed too many tears for anybody recently and working on her mental strength was becoming an important project for Blair.

On the ninth day, she announced to Serena that she would be returning to Columbia the following day. She'd already pulled off and discarded the key necklace that signified any connection to Hamilton House and that awful Juliet tramp that had taken Nate from Serena . Blair had come to recognise what was important in her life recently and a sorority of tacky knock offs was not even close to her friendship with Serena.

"Are you sure you're ready, Miss Blair?" Dorota asked her, picking up the tray full of untouched breakfast, which rested at the foot of her bed. She noticed her maid's eyes drop at the sight and a slight shake of her head made Blair's stomach pang with guilt. She wasn't.

"Positive. I can't just sit around any longer. I have a future to procure." Blair spoke with purpose and gave a brisk nod. She still felt weaker than ever, but she had to emanate some pretense of bravery at least.

Dorota shrugged, giving in to Blair's whims as always. Blair often wondered why Dorota put up with her. Maybe the nurturer in her wanted to take care of the spoiled little girl who she'd essentially brought up in the absence of Blair's own Mother.

Overcome by feelings of gratitude towards her, Blair shot up out of her bed and pulled Dorota into a tight hug. She felt Dorota tense in shock and then relax, stoking Blair's hair soothingly. "Thank you." She whispered. It was a vague statement, but Blair knew that she'd understand.

Dorota nodded and kissed Blair's forehead. She'd been there since she was an infant. She'd raised her. "Can we go feed the ducks?" Blair asked, the child in her reaching out for some shred of maternal care.

Dorota smiled knowingly at Blair. "I get bread." She bustled away, handing a plate of fruits to Blair before removing the breakfast tray from her sight.

She rolled her eyes, picking a couple of berries from the platter and reluctantly putting them in her mouth. She grabbed her coat, sliding it on over her nightdress and slipped her feet into the closest shoes. She knew looked like a flasher in a trench coat and five-inch heels, but she didn't really care, if anything, it was just funny. Blair didn't have many opportunities to laugh lately, so she savoured them.

She met Dorota downstairs, bread in hand. They ambled towards central park together and Blair threw chunks of bread aimlessly into the duck pond. When things got bad, this is what she liked to do most. It wasn't something she wanted to do with anyone else. It was solely hers and Dorota's. She linked her arm into place with Dorota's and they sat on the bench closest to the water. She watched the ducks wordlessly and felt safe and cared for. She allowed herself to melt into the moment and finally felt carefree.

"Why do you put up with me, Dorota?" Blair asked, turning to face the maid she'd come to love in earnest.

Dorota's face softened and she placed her hand on Blair's cheek. "Because I love you like my own, Miss Blair."

Blair smiled and whispered a thank you. She needed to feel loved by someone.

XOXO

Later on, Serena sat with Blair watching Breakfast at Tiffany's for the millionth time in the cosy confinements of her room.

"Do you think we should talk?" Serena said, half way into the movie.

Blair frowned at her. "About what? I'm watching the movie." she huffed, pausing the film. Serena laughed.

"Right, as if you don't know all the words already."

Blair smirked. "True." She turned her full attentions towards Serena. "So what is it?"

"You're not eating." Her tone was suddenly sharp and serious.

Blair bit the inside of her cheek so hard that she was sure she'd drawn blood.

"S…" She began hesitantly. "I am... I just. I don't feel like it at the moment."

Serena raised her eyebrows. Her eyes were full of care and concern. "I know you throw out the food I bring you everyday. I've seen it in the trash."

"Sorry." Blair knew how bratty it was, but she just didn't want to tell Serena that she wasn't eating it.

"I don't care about that, I just worry about you, B. You need to eat. You're looking very thin." She lifted Blair's arm up and as if to prove a point, wrapped her fingers around it. Her forearm looked weak and skinny in Serena's grip and she snapped her head up. She'd not realised how much weight she'd lost over the past few weeks. She felt tired all the time, her legs felt like they were going to collapse under her and she knew she'd been snapping at people even more than usual.

"Oh my God, S." Blair was shocked at the realisation that she hadn't recognised herself slipping back into her old habits.

"B, will you come out with me? We can eat dinner at Butter then go dancing."

Blair felt nervous at the thought of eating, especially in public but nodded despite her reluctance, falling back into this trap was not something she was going to allow herself to do.

"Yeah I'll get ready." She hopped up off of the bed, flicking the TV off as she went to pick out an outfit.

"Wear your new Patricia Bonaldi." Serena called out. Blair cocked her head to one side, appraising the antique gold, embellished tulle and lace dress before her. It was a little too much for the occasion but she wanted to shine tonight. She pulled it from the hanger and pulled it over her head.

XOXO

He'd seen her at a club with Serena on Gossip Girl and everything sensible in him told him it was a bad idea, but it had been so long and he just wanted to see her. He excused himself and left Eva at the dinner table by herself.

He slipped into the dark club; no one would see him and he just wanted to watch her. His eyes scanned the huge crowd and when he spotted her in the centre of the dance floor, swaying sensually to the music he felt himself relax. She seemed to be alone; Serena must have gone to get another drink so he decided to throw his inhibitions out of the window. Who was going to stop him?

He had finally found his way through the throng of drunken dancers. She had her back to him and he just watched for another moment. The sheer mesh of her dress was extremely enticing, the trail of buttons lead down her spine and he followed them hungrily with his eyes. Her shoulder blades protruded from the delicate skin on her back and the swing of her skirt was mesmerising. He closed the space between them and his arms went around her without a second thought, feeling the lace of her dress as his hands covered her flat stomach.

She inhaled sharply but then must have recognised his touch because she settled back into her movements without turning to look at him.

XOXO

She was going to pull herself away from him and run, but his hands encircling her just felt perfect and warm. Besides, Blair reasoned with herself, no one could see them in the centre of the floor amid all of the people anyway, she'd just let herself indulge in the moment. She was aware of all of her self-restraint melting away as he moved behind her.

He pulled her hair over her shoulder and leaned in. She felt his hot breath in the crook of her neck and shivered, goose bumps rose on her bare arms and she let herself go. He planted a soft kiss on her neck and she arched her head away so he had a closer reach.

"You look opulent tonight." He husked into her skin.

"Thank you." It was hardly a whisper.

"I can't help but be drawn to you when you shine so." His words were almost lost over the thud of the music.

His hands twisted her around to face him and she lost herself in the complexity of his dark eyes. They were so intoxicatingly close that she knew she wouldn't be able to control herself if he made any further moves. They didn't speak; they just danced and started at one another. Her eyes travelled the contours of his cheekbones and jawline, the bridge of his nose, his inviting lips as his tongue darted out to wet them in anticipation. The moisture on his mouth made her own part, aching to kiss him. She could so easily reach up and cover his lips with her own.

His hand travelled from her waist down to her ass and under her dress. Her eyes rolled back in her head as he gently stroked the skin of her thigh beneath her skirt. She buried her face in his neck as he continued his ministrations. Her hands lifted to tangle in his hair, pushing it through her fingers. Her hips swayed to the heavy beat and she felt him lean down to capture the bead of perspiration that beaded on the nape of her neck. The room spun and she felt dizzy.

"Is this real life?" She murmured directly into his ear.

His hands paused, squeezing the flesh of her butt. "I hope so." She was glad she'd forgone underwear. "Doesn't this feel so good?" He said, his hands getting dangerously close to her hot centre.

She pushed her hips into him and sighed her response.

"Don't you want to do this all the time?" He was using his bedroom voice and it turned her on like nothing else, desire was curling in her stomach.

"Yes." One word was all it took and he was thrusting his fingers into her core. She wobbled on her legs and his strong hands held her up.

She still couldn't open her eyes as he built up a steady pace; she was getting closer and closer.

"We could be fuck buddies." He muttered suggestively. Her eyelids flew open at his crass words and she pulled herself away from him. He looked so shocked and she was gaping. She'd just realised what she was doing. She'd been trying to hard not to do this and she'd fallen, once again, straight back into his grasp. His hold on her was ridiculous and she tugged at her skirt, taking another step away from him.

"Blair?" He frowned at her. "What happened?"

"I'm not doing this._ We're_ not doing this." She tried to keep her voice down, staggering further backwards. "I told you I'm not going to be your whore!" She yelled, prompting several people to turn round and glare at Chuck.

"Leave her alone man!" Some random guy shouted, reaching to take Blair's arm and steady her.

She just shook her head, turned on her heels and ran. When she looked back, he was just standing there, one hand extended in front of him, a look of pure bewilderment on his face.

She fell towards the bar where she saw the familiar tousled blonde hair and grabbed one of the martinis in Serena's hands. She sucked it down quickly then slammed the glass down on the bar.

"Woah, B, what's with you?" Serena was giggling but immediately stopped when she noticed the solemn expression painted on Blair's features.

"Blair…" Serena searched her eyes for some explanation. Blair prayed she found none and ordered another drink.

Serena gave her an odd stare, narrowed her eyes and then turned to scan the dance floor. Blair screwed up her features, hoping and praying that she'd miss the sight of Chuck. Please God have let him left, she chanted in her head. Serena baulked visibly and she pulled Blair's arm.

"Why is Chuck here?" She all but yelled over the thump of the music. Blair didn't answer so Serena kept pestering her.

"I don't know, S. " She sat on one of the near bar stools and put her head in her hands. "I don't know." She looked up and Serena was marching towards Chuck like a warrior. Shit.

She pulled her phone out and flicked through her contacts until she found the name she was looking for. He'd told her he was in town and she'd ignored the fact, until now. She needed to shake herself free of Chuck. He had a girlfriend- granted he didn't really want her. But Blair was not going to get involved with him now. She couldn't do it to herself.

'Meet me for drinks?' She text.

His response was fast. 'Where?' The message read.

She sent the details and he said he'd be there in five minutes.

XOXO

Serena was yelling at him but he wasn't listening. She'd been going strong for at least ten minutes at least, but luckily the sound of the music was drowning her out. He was trying to surreptitiously scan the room for Blair. When his eyes landed on her he wanted to throw up. Someone was whispering in her ear and she was regarding him with a coquettish smirk.

"Serena, shut up!" He shouted, unable to listen to her constant stream of insults. He meant it to sound authoritative but just sounded pathetic.

She raised her eyebrows and then followed his pointed stare.

"Prince Louis?" She mumbled under her breath, but it was loud enough for him to hear.

Prince Louis? A prince? Blair knew a prince? He wanted a sinkhole to open up beneath him as he watched her blushing in the man's presence. He felt everything he'd ever desired slipping away from him and wanted to slump down into a dark corner and never be found again.

"Serena." Chuck tore his eyes away from the scene that was destroying him bit by bit. "Who is that?" The pity and sorrow taking control of her face made it even harder for him to cope. "Who is he?" He tried to keep control of his voice.

Serena extended a hand to him and then hesitated. She must have seen something in his expression because she stepped forward and pulled him into an embrace. His sister was rubbing his back soothingly and his face crumpled. Hadn't he just had Blair in his arms?

"She met him in Paris, Chuck." Serena's voice broke through his thoughts.

"Prince?" He pulled away from Serena and her pained expression allowed him to realise that this wasn't just a whim; Blair obviously liked this man for more than just to make him jealous.

"Louis Grimaldi." She sighed. "_He_ is the prince of Monaco." Serena told him meekly. "He's kind, she likes him."

Chuck's worst fears, worst nightmares had come to life in Serena's confirmation. All Blair had ever wanted was the fairy-tale, the prince, the castle and the tiara. She had a chance to get all of that now and he knew he'd soon find himself fading to grey, paling in the shadow of her prince.

Serena took his hand and led him outside. He let her; he couldn't bear to be in there anymore.

The cool night air was biting and he felt like he was going to fall. He found the nearest wall and sank down against it, his head in his hands. "I love her so much." He admitted in a quiet voice to his sister. He heard her sigh and then felt her fall down next to him. She put his arm around his shoulders and he looked up to find her pulling out a hip flask from her purse. She unscrewed the cap, taking a swig and then passed it to him. He took a long drink and almost laughed. He'd never known she was the tequila type. The bitter liquor burned down his throat and it felt warm as it moved through his body and into his bloodstream.

"She loves you too, you know." Serena said out of the blue after a few moments silence.

"Oh spare me your pity." He bit back, helping himself another drink from her flask. She pulled it away from him and took a healthy swig.

"Chuck, trust me. I would not offer you pity considering what I've had to watch my best friend go through. You just deserve to know." She narrowed her eyes at him.

He shrugged. "Thanks... I guess."

"My Mom hates your new girlfriend you know?" Serena added for good measure. Obviously she wasn't quite ready to let him off the hook for how he'd treated Blair.

"Yeah I could tell." Chuck muttered. Lily was polite, obviously, but it was clear she wasn't a particular fan of Eva.

"She's no Blair." Serena said. The statement was simple but so true. She was right. Eva was everything Blair wasn't. She was kind, gentle, honest and didn't have a nasty bone in her body. He loved Blair because she was all those things and more. She could bitch and moan until the sun set, but then when it did, she could be the sweetest woman he'd ever laid eyes upon. He remembered one occasion where she'd sent him at least thirty awful texts the night before he came back from a short business trip. She'd given him absolute Hell about it; she'd accused him of cheating even. But then when he got home she'd welcomed him in tears and apologised, promising she'd make it up to him. She was unpredictable- that was part of why he loved her. Everything was a surprise with Blair Waldorf and he had never been bored.

"What are you thinking?" Serena said, she was scrutinizing his dreamy expression.

"Nothing important." He lied.

They back and forthed for a little longer until Chuck realised that she'd actually made him feel better.

"Thank you, Serena." He said. "I needed a sister today."

She smiled kindly. "Anytime, Chuck. I may think you're pretty despicable, but you're still my brother." She finished with a chuckle. He grinned at her, standing up and then offering her his hand to help her up.

He brushed out his jacket and then they went back into the club together. He was afraid of what he might see and as he got closer to where he'd last seen Blair his worries weren't unprecedented. The 'Prince' had his tongue down her throat and she wasn't complaining. Chuck wanted to punch the man for even daring to touch her but with a shock he reminded himself that she wasn't his to protect or even possess.

He felt Serena's hand on his arm, trying to pull him away from staring at Blair and her Prince. He pulled his arm away and shook his head. He needed this. Maybe it could finally free him of the feelings he was ever having to ignore.

When he could no longer take the sight he stalked out of the club, walking so quickly down the street that even if Serena had followed him she'd never have been able to catch up in her heels. He didn't look back once and when he got home, he found Eva sitting on the couch, reading a book.

She looked up and he marched towards her with purpose. She stood before him and he grasped her face in his hands, claiming her lips. It felt so wrong and he wanted to tear himself away but he had to drown himself, forget the image of Blair that was burned into his retinas. He kissed her furiously and she returned it. She tugged at his clothes and he ripped hers off savagely. He hadn't looked at her properly for too long. She was definitely beautiful, definitely quite the catch. But he just couldn't get caught up in her the way he needed to. He could try though.

XOXO

Blair walked out of the club, hand in hand with Louis. He was really very delightful and she felt ashamed that she'd not called him sooner. When he kissed her she didn't feel it right down to her toes, but maybe that didn't matter. Attraction wasn't always about fiery passion and insatiable need. She was sure she'd be able to love someone else, it didn't matter they didn't make the tips of her toes tingle.

She hadn't seen Serena for a while so she just decided she'd make her own way home. Louis had put his jacket around her shoulders like the perfect gentleman and was now walking her home. She sighed, enjoying life.

"What is it?" He asked, misreading her action. "Something wrong?"

"Nothing at all." She said. Something was tugging at her gut but she ignored it. "I'm just happy to be here." She turned to face him as they stopped outside her building. "Do you want to come up?" She asked. He couldn't have missed the suggestion in her tone. He regarded her with wide eyes and nodded.

When they were in her room, she felt her stomach turning. Was she really going to have sex with him? She'd literally just had Chuck's fingers inside her. Surely it was wrong. Then he kissed her, interrupting her thoughts.

She was lying on the bed and he was positioning himself to enter her before she knew quite what was happening. She closed her eyes and tried to ignore what was about to happen. He pushed into her and she grimaced. When she looked up his face was contorted and his eyes were squeezed shut. She frowned and tried not to let her boredom slip into her tone as she faked it for him. He collapsed on top of her and she groaned, he was heavy. She tried to wriggle out from under him and he took that as an invitation to grind up against her. She felt sick. If she'd felt like a whore before, this was something else.

She waited until he'd fallen asleep to jump out of the bed and slip into her bathroom. She turned the shower on and stepped under the hot water. The warmth of the spray relaxed her. She washed herself carefully and tried not to think about what had happened. She wasn't the one night stand type. She closed her eyes and let the water wash her makeup away.

When she stepped out of the shower she wrapped herself up in a robe stepped through the door that joined the bathroom to Serena's room. She made sure to lock it and then she sat down on the empty bed. Serena must have gone to stay at her Mother's. Blair decided she'd sleep better by herself in this room tonight.

When she awoke, she checked the clock to see that it was 7AM. She silently slipped back into her own room to find that he was still asleep so she got herself ready for the rest of the day. She chose a modest, cream Alice and Olivia dress with a high neck and long sleeves. She didn't need or want to feel sexy today, that was the very last objective on her list. She paired her dress with a girly pair of ballet flats and looked decidedly child like. She hoped that wasn't something that Louis would enjoy.

She huffed at her own thought process. Since when didn't she crave the affections of a prince? He could be her fairy tale but she'd rather deter him and she couldn't quite get her head round it.

He grumbled in her bed and she sat down beside him. He was kind of cute in the morning. His sleepy eyes opened and when he saw her above him he smiled.

"Hey." She spoke gently. He was really quite endearing when she really looked at him properly. It wasn't his fault that he wasn't quite up to par in bed. Not everyone could be Chuck Bass. She scolded herself for thinking of him.

"I have to go to college today, Louis." She said in her best feigned disappointed voice. She'd decided that she was going to try with him at least. "I'll see you later?" She leaned down and placed a chaste kiss on his lips. It still made her shudder a little inside, but she could teach herself to enjoy it.

"Blair?" His accent made her grin. He was perfect on paper. She hummed in response. "I know this is a little forward, but in Monaco we don't hold back if we feel this way about someone."

She felt sick, cold.

"Would you like to make it exclusive?"

Blair pondered for a moment. She should say yes. It was the right thing to do, it meant moving on. She couldn't find the right words but she could see him starting to loose his nerve.

"Why do you think I would want to be seeing anybody else?" She smiled a fake smile. It wasn't exactly a lie; she wasn't the kind of girl who went on dates with multiple guys at the same time. She wasn't entirely sure that she really wanted to be his girlfriend, but then he was a prince, it was her dream. It didn't make sense to say no. She bent down to kiss him again and his dreamy look was restored.

"Wonderful." He whispered.

She got up and smiled the whole way out of the room until she shut the door. When she got out onto the landing her face fell. She'd just agreed to be his girlfriend. This changed everything. Chuck would definitely find out.

XOXO

_I have it on good authority that Queen B is on her sweet way to becoming just that._

Snagged yourself a prince, Blair? Good game girl. Even Chuck Bass can't compete with that.

XOXO,

_Gossip Girl_

Chuck wanted to throw his phone against the wall. The picture that followed the text was of Blair eating Lunch with the prince. She was beaming and he looked just like the perfect knight in shining armour that she'd always wanted. Gossip Girl was right, he could never compete.

He was in his office, staring off into space when the call that he had a visitor came through. He waited for whoever was coming to bore him out of his mind.

A soft knock on the door made his eyes flicker upwards.

"Come in." He shouted, standing to greet his visitor. His jaw almost dropped when he saw Blair standing in the doorway.

She strode in and stood in front of his desk cautiously. "Hello." She said formally.

"What are you doing here?" He was in a state of shock, wondering if maybe he was imagining her.

She looked away from him and sucked in a breath. "I skipped last period so I could come and see you." She began. "I have to tell you something, I wanted you to hear it from me first."

"Wait, don't tell me. You're dating your Prince Charming?" The look of horror in her eyes surprised him a little.

"Well… yeah. How did you know?" She sat down in the chair opposite him.

He glared at her "If I hadn't seen him shoving his tongue down your throat last night, Gossip Girl would have cleared it up for me."

Her shoulders sunk and she pressed her lips together. "You saw?" Her voice was so quiet that he barely heard her.

"Yep." His reply dripped with sarcasm.

"I didn't mean for that to happen." She squeaked. He looked her up and down. Her perfect, girly little dress looked wrong in accordance to her behaviour.

"Funny, because you knew I was there." He retorted quickly. He didn't mean to be so rude to her, but her latest conquest was evoking so much anger in him.

"I'm sorry." Was all she offered.

"Sorry I saw you or sorry you let me put my fingers in your…"

"Quiet!" She snapped, cutting him off.

He smirked and got up from his chair, prowling towards her. She didn't move but he saw her quiver a little as he got closer.

"Are you ashamed of it?" He questioned. "Ashamed of what we did?" He bent over her and nipped at her neck. He knew he'd leave marks. He meant to. The little moans escaping her lips were music to his ears. "What?" He breathed into her neck. "Prince Charming not keeping you warm enough at night?" He guided her backwards until her ass hit the desk.

She tried to shove him away but he just moved in closer and felt her legs part before him, guiding him closer. Her half-hearted attempts to deny him just made the victory all the more sweet. She couldn't resist him just as much as he couldn't resist her.

Eat it, Prince Charming. He thought to himself while grinning smugly into the crook of her neck. She always found her way back. Without any indication she shoved him away and he nearly toppled over, giving her enough time to escape his clutches. She moved to the farthest corner of the room and her face was panic stricken.

"I can't keep doing this, Chuck. We need to stop going in circles." He knew she was holding back the tears.

"Then why do you always come back?" He hadn't meant for the words to sound so harsh.

She flinched but offered no answer.

"Why, Blair?" His words weren't a question, they were an order.

She moved closer to him tentatively. "Why do you always want to hurt me?"

"Same reason you always want to hurt me."

"When do I ever hurt you?" She yelled. Her eyes glittering and wild.

"Last night. I saw you with him and it tore my heart out." He was surprised at his own honesty and so was she. He saw it in her face.

"Well I've seen you with her more than once, Chuck. Lets not forget." She said bitterly.

He didn't know what to think. "So you did it to get back at me?"

When she didn't respond he knew that was part of it. "You can't stand it that she changed me and you couldn't, can you?" He felt cruel. "Accept it, Blair. You're not all that you think you are." Chuck sneered.

She recoiled like he'd just slapped her. He felt like he had. Her expression was the same one she'd been wearing when she found out about Jenny. She moved swiftly towards the exit. He grabbed her wrist and offered her a tormented and pleading look. She just shook her head wordlessly and wrenched her arm from his grasp. He'd cut her deeply with his words.

"Stay away from me, Chuck. I mean it. Don't ever speak to me again." Her words were laden with ice and spite and she glared hatefully at him.

With that she was gone again.


	6. Authors note

I wasn't planning to ever include an author's note in this, but I feel like there is an issue I need to address.

To whoever continues to leave anonymous reviews, informing me that they think my story is a "load of crap", please would you stop. I find this very hurtful and I don't think you're really considering my feelings when you leave nasty reviews. I am, and have always been, open to constructive criticism. However general unpleasantness is not appreciated. I put a lot of time and effort into writing these chapters and I do it for the kind people who leave encouraging reviews. Therefore if you think this story "crap" then why do you read and review all of my chapters?

I am well within my rights, and will not hesitate, to remove comments, which are fuelled only by spitefulness. I always take any criticism into consideration and I endeavour to amend any issues in my next chapters. But if you will constantly tell me my story is so awful, I feel like there's no point in continuing.

You're probably going to think me pathetic for letting your comments get to me, but imagine the situation in reverse. If you spent lots of time writing chapters and someone, who obviously is not particularly enjoying the story, insisted on leaving incredibly negative reviews on every chapter you posted- how do you imagine you would feel? If you want to provide me with suggestions, I am happy to accept them, but please don't just deprecate my efforts. If you don't enjoy my writing or plot, no one is forcing you to read this.

Think before you review.

However on a more positive note, the reassurance I receive from other reviewers is what pushes me to continue and I need to thank many for this. You really make this worth my time and I love posting chapters for you, it's just when I receive solely negative reviews that I feel demoralised.

From now onwards, I will not allow nasty comments on my story, I will just remove them without a second thought- so don't waste your energy writing them please.


	7. An incomprehensible reality

Really going to take a nosedive from the TV plot now. Thank you to my readers. Once again, it is you guys who motivate me to continue with this story. I'd like to say a massive thank you to the kind hearts who responded to my Authors note with support. I really do appreciate your encouragement a great deal because the more spiteful people make me dread posting new chapters.

Sorry for a short chapter. I just wanted to get an update out.

However, in light of the other reviews I literally have no words. I don't understand what rudeness is doing for you. Can I truly be the 'pathetic' 'baby' you accuse me of being when it's you hiding behind an anonymous front? Simply stop reading my updates if you loathe this story so much. Your actions make no sense and I shouldn't have to put up with all the abuse. I tried addressing this nicely, but the last thing I'm going to do is lie down and accept it. So keep trying me if you're really this bored with your own sad little life, that you'd read through all of my chapters solely to tell me that they're crap. Get yourself a better hobby. After all, it's the pathetic babies of the world who have to conceal themselves behind anonymity.

XOXO

_An incomprehensible reality_

_I watched thee when the foe was at our side _

_Ready to strike at him, or thee and me _

_Were safety hopeless rather than divide _

_Aught with one loved, save love and liberty. _

He got back to his penthouse raging drunk and in the foulest of moods. Eva was there waiting for him and he saw red. Rage filled him. He loathed that she wasn't his Blair, that she'd taken the place of Blair. She slept on her side of the bed, sat in her chair. Chuck wanted nothing more than to be alone so he could re-evaluate the night's events, but there she was.

"Chuck?" She said. Her gently spoken words grated on him more than ever. She spoke to him like she was afraid of him.

He waved her away with a flip of his hand. He could barely see her through the darkness of the room but he could see her 'sacrificial lamb' expression clearly. Her angelic aura had grown tiresome. Chuck believed he'd consumed all of what she could offer him.

"What's the matter?" She persisted, moving towards him. She reached up to touch his cheek but he pushed her interfering hand away. "I can smell the alcohol on your breath." She commented innocently, concern seeping through her words.

"And I the desperation on yours." The cruel words rolled off of his tongue with a bitter flourish.

She recoiled and her eyes widened further but she said nothing else. Eva moved to switch on the light and when it flooded the room he locked his gaze onto her. His scrutinizing appraisal helped him realise something. He didn't want her. For all her kindness and honesty, he couldn't make himself love her. He didn't want what she had to offer him. He inhaled deeply, never breaking his stare.

As though she knew what was happening, she tried to back away from his watchful eyes. The smokescreen of compassion he'd built to surround her seemed to evaporate before him and his lip curled disdainfully.

"I want you gone by the morning." The sharp words seemed to cut her like a knife and she staggered backwards, away from him. Tears sprung up instantly and glittered in her eyes. He couldn't make himself take it back. He didn't want to.

"Is it because of her?" She asked weakly, avoiding his glare, her hands wrapped around her mid-section, as though she was supporting herself.

He didn't know how to answer her. He knew she deserved an answer but the best he could come up with was, "She isn't taking me back." It wasn't a lie, but his hesitation cemented her fears.

"I knew it from the moment I saw her. She is so glamorous and I'm not." The sorrow, which resounded in her voice ought to have compelled him to go to her. He didn't. His only thought was,

Prince of Monaco.

He watched her walk away from him, refusing to justify himself further. He poured himself a large glass of scotch and sat back on the couch. Some time later, hours, maybe minutes, she returned, a pathetically small suitcase in hand. He looked over at her lazily. She stood awkwardly in the doorway, was she expecting a grand goodbye? Did he have anything left to say?

"So I suppose I should be going."

"I'll have the Bass jet take you wherever you wish. There's enough money in the I opened for you to last a few months." One last shred of gratefulness would ensure that she was safe at least.

"I never wanted your money." She said, crestfallen.

He knew she was telling the truth. She'd not once asked anything of him. It was a breath of fresh air to be wanted by someone without the constant shadow of wealth hanging over him like a dark cloud, corrupting his every thought.

"Take it. You can use it to find somewhere to live." Through the haze of his intoxication, he felt for her. She'd come to New York for him and now he was turning her away. "Eva." He began, unsure of himself, "Someone will love you. I just can't."

She shook her head solemnly, silencing him.

"Your heart belongs to someone else." The way she spoke made it evident she'd accepted this truth long ago.

He couldn't bring himself to deny it. Instead he just stood still and watched her gather the rest of her things.

"Do you still love her?" She asked, her face bereft of any emotion.

"I can't imagine the day I won't." He said, for his own benefit more than hers.

He barely noticed the small whimper that escaped her throat. Chuck didn't watch her go. He couldn't bare the thought that she might cry. He'd caused too many tears to fall from undeserving eyes.

She'd been sweet to him and for that generosity; he'd give her everything she could ever need in order to live the life she deserved. He'd filled her account with more money than she might possibly require, even if she didn't want it. His gratitude would see that she'd fare well without him, perhaps even better.

Chuck grabbed for the full bottle of scotch behind the bar as the room spun in hazy circles around him. He staggered into his bedroom, rifling through his drawers until he found Blair's robe. He sank down into the bed. Lifting the soft, mauve fabric to his face, he drank himself into oblivion, inhaling her scent in a futile attempt to fill the ever-growing void in his chest.

XOXO

She sat on the toilet seat, her hands clutching tightly to the stick in her grip as she waited the longest three minutes of anybody's life. All of the tell tale signs were there; random bouts of nausea, mood changes and morning sickness. She'd not thought anything of it for a while; she'd had pregnancy scares before, it had never led to anything. But this was different, she felt different.

She tapped her foot impatiently. The worst part was that there was no way, if she was pregnant, that it could be Louis' child- she'd been on the pill for weeks and even if that had failed her, she insisted he always use a condom. He'd been her official boyfriend for three weeks now and he was a dream. Charming, polite and handsome. Everything Blair knew she ought to desire. She often had to remind herself that he was a prince. A literal knight in shining armour. On paper it was perfect, he was perfect.

But he was anything but that in reality. He didn't make her pulse race; she'd never felt the butterflies flitting in her stomach when he was close. Every inch of her was determined to make herself love him because he was what she'd always wanted. But she was aware that what she'd always wanted hadn't always been her safest bet.

Three minutes were over. She tentatively turned the test over in her fingers, shuddering in apprehension. The blue plus on the screen was unavoidable and her grasp faltered, sending the stick clattering to the ground. A flurry of thoughts hurried through her brain and she grappled for the test again, making sure she'd seen right. The display hadn't changed. She was pregnant.

Blair's heart filled with both joy and horror. This baby was definitely Chuck's and the last time she'd seen him was when she'd ordered him never to speak to her again. Her hand flew to her mouth and her stomach churned. The baby growing inside of her would be born into a dysfunctional life. It had no chance. She couldn't bring up a child without a father and what about other siblings? Blair knew what it was like to be a lonely child. She didn't want that for her son or daughter and there was no way she would have her children be born of different Fathers. Heavens knew her Mother would be irate.

She stood and went to the sink, resting her hands on the cool enamel as she regarded herself in the wide mirror. Her body shook as she tried, pointlessly to accept the reality of the situation. She wasn't ready to have a baby. She was nineteen years old. Blair had a life plan; it involved marriage, buying a house and _then_ children. It wasn't supposed to be like this.

"Pull yourself together, Waldorf." She whispered to her reflection.

Blair closed her eyes briefly, regaining her composure. Sucking in a long breath, she threw the test into the bin under the sink, covering it with some tissues for good measure.

Three weeks since she'd seen him last. She'd avoided everywhere he could possibly have been lurking. Blair only made trips with company as to avoid any confrontation with him. She'd even gone so far as to disable her 'Chuck Bass' Gossip Girl alerts. Ever since she'd changed her relationship status from 'Chuck Bass' bit on the side' to 'Girlfriend of Prince', she'd made countless efforts to disassociate from the Chuck Basstard that haunted her dreams.

She'd have no choice but to contact him now. He deserved to know.

A shrill ring sounded in her bedroom and she sprung into action, hurtling into the room and pulling the phone from her desk. She lifted it to her ear.

"Bonjour, Cherie!" Louis' cheery voice greeted her through the receiver. She was flooded by unwelcome disappointment.

"Bonjour." She responded in a forcibly peppy tone.

"I hope you are well. My Mother is in town this week and I would love for you to meet her. What do you say?" He asked, entirely oblivious to the note in her voice she'd been sure he'd hear.

The little girl inside of Blair squealed at the prospect of being asked by a real life prince to meet his mother.

"Oh, Louis! I would love that." It was all she could do not to clasp her hands together with glee.

"Parfait." He exclaimed. "Is tomorrow too soon?"

"No. Tomorrow is wonderful." Her eyes fluttered shut. The fairy-tale was real now. It wasn't just a scrawl in her childhood diary.

"I'll pick you up at seven for dinner." The line cut and she dreamily placed her phone back down.

It wasn't long until she felt a stab of guilt and her hands flew to her stomach. She was making plans to meet her boyfriend's mother whilst the child of another man grew inside her. She sat down heavily on the edge of her bed, the plush duvet sinking beneath her. She had to see a doctor. Her fingers fanned across her flat stomach. The silk of her slip slid underneath her hands and her thoughts flashed to Chuck.

XOXO

His hand emerged from under the covers, reaching for the empty scotch bottle beside his bed. The sound of glass landing on the floor with a thud was enough to elicit a groan from him. His head was foggy and he'd been in a permanent state of drunkenness for weeks.

Hauling himself out of the inviting bed, Chuck stumbled through a litter of empty bottles and made his way into the bathroom. He ran a hand through his hair, dark tufts stuck up in every direction and the stubble growing at his chin scratched his fingers when he lifted them to touch it.

He turned on the shower and stood under the hot water until he was completely enveloped by the relaxing spray. He hadn't any notion that he felt this way because of Eva; he'd hardly cast his mind towards her at all since she left. This mist clouding his every thought, this was Blair. He couldn't see past her. She was everywhere. In his dreams, his nightmares.

When he felt more like himself, he strode into the kitchen of his suite as though he'd not just spent the best part of a month holed up in his room. Nate openly stared at him.

"Like something you see?" Chuck spoke with his signature air of sarcasm. "Close your mouth, Nate."

"Sorry, man. I guess I'm just glad to have you back." Nate looked sheepish.

Chuck smirked. "Glad to be back." He moved to pat his friend on the shoulder. "Lets say we go out this evening."

Nate grinned. "I'll meet you on the Columbia campus after college." He picked up his lacrosse bag and hurried out of the door.

Chuck smiled to himself. Columbia. Perhaps he'd even catch a quick glimpse of Blair. He grabbed his phone and scanned through the numerous updates on Gossip Girl until he saw her. She was glowing as always. But when he saw the photo of her kissing the prince he felt the weight of a million concrete blocks crushing him, he couldn't breathe. Her delectable lips tainted by another man. The thought of her with anyone else made his stomach turn.

One day. He vowed silently. One day soon.

His phone began buzzing in his breast pocket.

"Mr Bass." It was his personal assistant. "I've received a telephone call from Harry Winston." His heart skipped a beat. They'd found it. "They request that you make a visit. Apparently some thieves were trying to pawn an item you purchased."

"I know the one." His throat went dry.

"Indeed. Well they have it in the safe ready for you to collect."

"Thank you." He spoke quietly before disconnecting the call. Chuck ran his fingers through his hair. They had found the ring. He'd thought it lost for good. His thoughts flickered to that night. He'd fought so hard for it, almost lost his life. Now it had come back to him. The shattering noise of the gunfire rang in his ears and he placed a protective hand across his abdomen, feeling the indentation of the wound. The intense physical pain of the shot had almost lived up to the pain of his loss.

Tears rose, unannounced, to his eyes. He'd never let himself be taken away by the pain, always trying to fill the gap, never succeeding. But now it tore through him and he felt hollow inside.

He took a deep breath and exhaled shakily. He deserved to feel the agony he'd caused her.

XOXO

"Well congratulations, Ms Waldorf. You are indeed pregnant. Five weeks along." The doctor said cheerily until looking up from her papers and noticing Blair's look of dismay.

A baby was supposed to be a happy thing. She should have Chuck here with her, holding her hand while they gushed about names. She bit her lip hard to stop herself from crying. She glared down at her folded hands in her lap.

"Look." The doctor's voice was warm. "I don't always have to tell expecting women this. But sometimes a baby can come at the wrong time and you're not a bad person if this isn't the time for you."

Blair's gut twisted further. The doctor was outlining the obvious alternatives, likely part of her job. But it made her want to retch. She'd always preached to Serena that pregnancy was the best kind of blessing and any time was the right time. She'd just never imagined it could feel like this.

"I don't know what to do." She blurted out before she could stop herself. The doctor smiled kindly and extended the box of tissues towards her.

"Ms Waldorf. If you don't mind my asking, do you intend on telling the father?" Blair resented the question. She knew it was one she'd have to answer but she hoped for a while longer.

"How can I not?"

"If I may remind you, this decision is entirely yours." The doctor spoke with a stern authoritativeness.

Blair nodded, fresh tears spilling down her cheeks. She quickly mopped at them. "I don't know how to make it." She admitted, her voice wobbling.

When she stepped out of the clinic she wanted to collapse. She felt sick, tired and destroyed. A familiar black limo rolled up beside her. Her eyes widened and she dithered on the sidewalk for a second too long. The door opened and he beckoned her inside. Against her better judgement, she slid in.

She was sat across from him as the car pulled smoothly away. "What do you want?" She snapped, glaring. She'd not quite forgiven the cruel dig he'd made at her during their last encounter.

"I was on my way to meet Nate and couldn't help but notice your stumbling, tear stained, out of a clinic." His tone wasn't confrontational as she may have expected and she lowered her guard. "I can still care for your general well-being you know."

"Well I'm fine." She folded her arms across her chest.

"Obviously a lie." He clearly wasn't in the mood to make an attempt to circle around the issue.

"Where's Eva?" She said, avoiding answering his question.

"Don't skirt around my question, Waldorf." He spoke with such weight that she almost found herself spilling her secret.

"I could say the same to you, Bass."

"Fine. Me first then." He sighed. "I sent Eva home."

Her jaw dropped and the hint of a smirk escaped from behind his indifferent expression. "When?" Was the only word she could force out of her mouth.

"A while ago." He said, reaching towards the mini bar. "Drink?" He extended a glass to her.

She almost reached out to take it before remembering. "No. Thank you." She mumbled and he raised his eyebrows at her.

"Now you." He stated simply, turning his scorching gaze directly onto her. She wanted to look anywhere other than into his eyes.

"I never made any deals." Blair said tartly.

He scoffed. "I always knew you played dirty."

"But that's just it, isn't it, Chuck? I'm not playing. Not everything is a game to me." She retorted.

He lifted his hands in surrender. "Okay, Waldorf. I just worry about you."

"You don't need to, Chuck. We're not together and we're never going to be friends."

"You wound me." His words dripped with sarcasm and he narrowed his eyes at her in scrutiny. "What's the harm in me caring anyway? What are you hiding?"

Her lip quivered at his harshness and tears began falling. His severity dissipated to be replaced with a guilty, helpless expression. He moved close to her as her entire body shook.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to upset you." His arm went round her shoulders. She had to stop herself settling into his gentle embrace. "Hey, hey." He cooed softly, rubbing her shoulder.

She sobbed heavily in his grasp. "It's not you. I wish it were you. That would be far simpler."

"Tell me, Blair. You can trust me. God knows I've done everything to prove otherwise, but I care." His words were so sincere and she longed to tell him everything. He'd find out soon enough anyway.

She turned her face into his jacket, pointlessly trying to fight her every instinct to succumb to the warm safety of his arms. She felt his fingers absentmindedly tracing delicate patterns on her arm. It was so easy to forget everything else and live inside the sanctuary of his dimly lit limo, protected from the rest of the world.

It wasn't until he drew her head gently away from his chest that she stole a glance into his eyes. She was sure hers were reflecting the same tormented agony.

"Lets stay here for the rest of time." Blair chuckled but the words were a plea.

He offered her a grief-stricken smile in response. "Don't tempt me."

Long minutes of silence passed as the car drove them round and round the city.

"Are you going to tell me?" He asked, lifting a hand to her cheek and caressing it softly. She couldn't stop herself turning her face towards his fingers.

"Probably not." She whispered. "But thank you."

"What for?"

"Caring enough to ask." She laid her head back down against his chest and felt the steady thrum of his heartbeat. He was warm, solid and he was safety.

"Always."

XOXO

He opened the door and stepped out of the car into the darkness of the night, extending his arm out to her. Her small fingers gripped his arm tightly as she pulled herself out of the limo. He swiftly pulled her back to his side, hating the brief loss of contact that exiting the car had forced upon them. She melted into him and he supported her light weight as they shuffled towards the entrance to her building.

A million questions burned inside his head. He needed to know why she'd been seeing a doctor, why she'd looked so broken. But this was enough for now. She was letting him touch her, be near her. That was enough.

Inside the empty penthouse, He walked her over to the couch, setting her down against the plush cushions. She looked so weak and frail that he couldn't stand to leave her. Instead he knelt by her side, taking her hands in his own.

"Please. Tell me." He begged and watched her writhe in discomfort.

"I can't yet." Her distress was obvious. But instead of pulling away, her fingers laced tightly through his.

"It kills me to see you like this. I can help you, I swear. No matter what." He would give her the entire world if she asked. It didn't frighten him that he would give up anything for her now. She was Blair Waldorf and she deserved it.

"Soon." She promised and he nodded. Compromise.

"Let me help you upstairs." He stood to offer her his arm.

She stood wearily and wobbled on her heels. His arm wound around her waist and he guided her to the staircase. He noticed her look of defeat when they reached it. She swayed slightly in his hold.

"Sorry." She mumbled, attempting to right herself.

He tucked his arm under her legs and lifted her promptly, provoking a little gasp from her. She linked her arms around his neck and rested her cheek against him and he carried her up the stairs quickly.

Laying her down on her bed, he sat beside her briefly and placed a chaste kiss to her temple. Her eyes were already shut and she smiled affectionately in response to the light brush of his lips.

"Thank you." She mumbled and curled into the comforter.

"For you, anytime." He said, standing from his seat next to her. She hummed quietly and he smiled at the image of her tucked under her covers. His heart swelled, thumping insistently in his chest. He loved her more than he'd ever known was possible.

When he got back to the Empire, Nate was sitting on the couch- a face like thunder. Chuck wanted to feel guilty but no night of partying could have competed with the time he'd spent with Blair.

"Thanks for keeping to the plan, Chuck." Nate said dryly.

Chuck stepped towards his friend, humbly preparing his apology. Nate stood, as though ready for confrontation but then frowned and relaxed his shoulders.

"Are you okay?" He asked, moving tentatively towards Chuck.

"Fine." Chuck shrugged.

"You look kind of… I don't know." Nate cocked his head to one side, examining Chuck.

"I had an… interesting evening."

Nate raised his eyebrows. "Blair?"

Chuck nodded and excused himself to his bedroom. The maids had obviously changed his bed linen, but a folded square of purple velvet lay neatly at the centre of the duvet.


	8. The Princess and the Frog

Sorry I've not published a new chapter in a while. I promise I'll publish more over the Christmas break. I love you guys and all your kind support. Hope you enjoy. I'm sorry about the nature of this chapter, I always intended for it to go here. It's quite dark, but no more than the show. Still, be warned. This fic is coming to its end soon so don't worry, there will be a 'chairy tale' ending but I think Blair was very annoying in season five and want to get Louis out of the way much quicker.

XOXO

_The Princess and the Frog_

_And all that's best of dark and bright _

_Meet in her aspect and her eyes: _

_Thus mellow'd to that tender light _

_Which heaven to gaudy day denies._

When she woke, a pleasant flow of warmth swirled in her and she sighed heavily- contentedly. She was cocooned in her soft duvet, the fresh scent of clean linen filling her senses. In this dreamy moment of tranquil perfection, she yearned for nothing to have changed; she would still be Blair Waldorf, Queen Bee of Constance, waiting for another day of gossiping, bitching and potentially even some dairy assault upon unruly minions. However when the shrill, ringing chirp of a very real, very unwanted phone call commenced, she snapped out of her faraway illusions.

"Hello." Quite ashamed of groggy her voice sounded, Blair coughed in an attempt to conceal it.

"Did I wake you mon trésor?" Louis asked soothingly.

She rubbed her eyelids furiously and appraised the clock next to her bed, raising her eyebrows in disbelief. 10am. She'd not slept in this late for a long time. Blair Waldorf did not oversleep. _Ever_.

Dorota bustled in with a tray of breakfast for Blair. Coffee, pastries and fruit were piled high. Her maid grinned happily as she set the tray down on her vanity. Blair smiled at her in thanks.

"Morning, Miss Blair." She whispered. "Big day, big breakfast." She patted Blair softly on the shoulder and hurried back out of the room, much in the same fashion she had entered.

"No, no." She cleared her throat quickly, quite aware that she'd taken slightly too long to respond. "I was already awake."

"Okay… Well I wanted to ensure you had remembered our plans for today?" He prompted. "It's quite…" he stumbled on his words briefly. "Imperative that my mother is never kept waiting."

Princess Sophie of Monaco. Blair had to impress this woman. She clearly ruled the lives of her children with an iron fist. Blair bit her lip. She was supposed to meet her today.

"Of course I remembered." She replied somewhat snippily at the suggestion that she, a Waldorf, might have forgotten something. Her mother had raised her well enough. "I presume you've made the reservation already?" She said, a note of challenge in her voice.

"Indeed." Completely oblivious to her jibes as ever. "I shall see you then, Blair. I'll send a car. Au revoir." He hung up the call without allowing her a chance to respond. She placed her phone beside her and thought of the previous evening. Chuck had been quite the perfect gentleman, despite his previous performance.

"_For you, anytime." _He'd said it with such earnestness. She'd wanted to tell him about the baby. She almost had. But she couldn't predict how he might react and thus, as usual, she'd taken the coward's route and hidden the truth from him.

Blair closed her eyes for a moment. Today she'd have to lie to everyone again. Her hands moved to her silk-dressed stomach, where her fingers splayed across the flat plane of warmth where her baby slowly grew. No one could know she was carrying; there were no obvious indications. But for some reason, she felt as though she wouldn't be able to hide it, that it was obvious.

"May as well wear a big red A." She muttered under her breath.

She reluctantly climbed out of her bed and strolled absentmindedly to her vast closet, pondering over a suitable outfit for the day's challenges. Unfortunately, even life on the Upper East Side did not prepare one for royalty. Blair could get lost in her closet. Row upon row of lustrous colours, hues, tones. If she were unaccustomed to such a life, Blair often wondered how she might react to a wardrobe as magnificently indulgent as her own.

When she'd eventually decided on a suitable outfit, a deep, midnight silk creation that gloved her slim waist, adorned with tiny lilac and grey flowers, she smiled at her own reflection in the mirror. Filmy underskirts billowed around her as she moved gracefully across the room to dab Chanel behind her ears. A smooth chignon rested on the nape of her neck and she busied herself with tucking stray strands behind her ears.

"You look rather beautiful, B." Serena's voice sounded quiet from the door of their shared bathroom. She was running her hands over her blonde mane sleepily and looked really rather sweet in her long, flannel pyjamas. Blair smiled gratefully in way of response as Serena reached out to grasp a cup of coffee from the tray Dorota had carried in as though it were water and she had hardly drunk in days. "Who are you meeting?" Serena's eyes, now remarkably less tired since she'd taken a slurp from Blair's untouched coffee cup, were hopeful; the glint she barely concealed within them was undeniable.

"Louis and his mother. Why?" Blair said curtly, narrowing her eyes at Serena in scrutiny. What did she look so pleased with herself for?

Serena's expectant face fell flat. "Oh. That's nice. Do have fun." She said, masking her disapproval poorly. She turned to leave, cup still safely clenched in her hand. Blair rushed ahead of her and caught her arm in a death grip. Serena cried in protest, nearly spilling the hot beverage all over herself and Blair.

"Careful, Blair! Do you want me to scald myself?" Serena all but screamed, her pretty features screwing up into a frown as she re-established her balance.

"What?" She demanded, ignoring her warnings. "Why do you look so forlorn and disappointed?"

Serena tried to wriggle her wrist out of Blair's vice-like hold, but to no avail. She huffed dramatically. Blair rolled her eyes at the theatrics.

"Well, I saw you come home last night with Chuck and I thought maybe…" She trailed off, perhaps recognising the shimmer of sadness that reached Blair's eyes.

"What?" She'd meant for it to sound accusatory, but her voice betrayed her as a tiny whimper. "That I'd have taken him back?" Blair's fingers unclenched and her eyes flickered down to the ground.

Serena sucked in a nervous breath. "Don't you love him anymore?"

Blair felt a dagger plunge into her heart. Her veins coursed white-hot. Limbs tingling, she swayed over to her chair and sunk down. Every bone in her exhausted body loved Chuck.

"How could I love him after what he did?" It wasn't a statement. She was really asking if it was okay for her to still love him. She gazed up at Serena hopefully. It was okay to be weak sometimes.

"Blair I can see it in you every day." Serena whispered almost inaudibly. "I see him in you every day." She moved to place a reassuring hand on her friend's shoulder.

"I shouldn't love him. He hurt me so much." It was barely a confession. "I should hate him with every inch of my existence for what he did to me. But I can't."

"So you do love him?" Serena must have known she was pushing Blair further than she was quite ready to be pushed.

"Of course." She blurted. "Part of me will always love him. But I want to be happy; I want a pure, simple kind of love. Smiles on dates, hand holding. I don't want to feel tortured every day of my life."

Serena sighed. "You can't run away from how you feel. Be brave, Blair. One last time."

Blair stood, her gaze icy. "I played with fire, S. I got burnt and now I know better. He won't change. Not even for me." She grabbed for her bag and dashed out of the door, leaving Serena without even sparing her a glance.

XOXO

Chuck scrolled lazily over the pages and pages of 'Blair Waldorf' Gossip Girl blasts on his phone. One caught his eye. They were younger, freer- holding hands and she wore an expression he recognised reflected on his own face. Her summer dress and sun-lightened hair had floated in the warm breeze as they strolled through Central Park together idly. He'd bought her flowers from a street vendor. They weren't peonies, but she'd not cared then for she had been too absorbed in him, in them, to even see the dozen cheap, pink roses he'd knelt before her to hand over.

Yes, he remembered that day exactly. It was during their first, perfect weeks together. Still riding on the bliss of his 'I love you'; when he'd discovered he'd been a fool not to say it sooner- this he'd told her almost every day since. Everything had been perfect then. The hot summer sun, her hot breath in his ear as she whispered sweet, sensual nothings to him. Love. It was all he saw when he regarded the photo. He wanted it back, her back.

He knew he'd love her until the end of time. He could pinpoint the exact moment when he'd realised that the feelings in the pit of his stomach were love. It wasn't when she'd danced for him at Victrola, or when she'd handed over her precious virginity to him. He'd understood his feelings then as infatuation, an understandable desire for the perfectly ripe forbidden fruit, dangled before him untouched and unwanted, by his fool of a best friend. It dawned on him that he loved her when he'd seen her with Nate at Cotillion.

He'd wait forever if she'd ever even consider having him back. Back in the day, Chuck Bass would have ridiculed anyone foolish enough to think monogamy was an acceptable way of life. But now, since her, nothing was more appealing than the thought of holding hands under restaurant tables, sneaking around corners to kiss just one girl. Although to think of her as 'just one girl' was an alien concept. She wasn't 'just' anything, she was Blair Waldorf. He'd tried to make it work with someone else and, well. It was safe to conclude that it hadn't worked.

His phone buzzed violently and an image of her, clad in blue silk, with her Prince by her side flickered onto his screen.

'This just in, Upper East Siders,

Spotted: Blair Waldorf lunching with royalty. Meeting the mother already, B? You certainly do move fast. Here's to the woman who has not only tamed a Bass, but already has her eyes set on a better prize.'

Chuck baulked and smacked the phone down onto the table. Rage surged through him and he couldn't see anything. Grappling for the bottle of scotch beside him, he necked a healthy swig.

XOXO

She was involved in a polite conversation about New York in the Winter with Louis' mother when she felt, what she could only describe as, the cold blade of a knife enter her stomach and twist. Blair blanched and stood, excusing herself hastily rushing to the ladies room.

She emptied the contents of her stomach into the toilet bowl and rested her head against the cool tile of the walls. Something was wrong. She placed a hand on her cramping abdomen and sensed no warmth radiating from it. She felt ghastly and her stomach heaved excruciatingly once more.

She cleaned herself up and hauled her fragile body to sit on the toilet seat. Blair quivered in blind fear as she peeled back her panties. Blood. Her whole frame quaked and she gagged at the horrendous sight confronting her. She felt her last tie to him slipping out from her grasp. This was it, the end. The last thing that kept him drawn to her had gone. She mourned for the lost hope of their baby with silent tears. Her gut churned cruelly and painfully. She threw her head back hard against the wall and her face distorted in agony. With trembling lips, Blair ran her fingers through her neat hair and wept.

XOXO

"Where is she?" His mother asked, her lips twisting into a pout of distaste.

"She'll be back shortly, I promise I'll ask her this evening." Louis mumbled, his eyes on the door Blair had fled so abruptly through.

"Good. Monaco needs a princess, my darling." She handed him a heavy velvet ring box. "Blair Waldorf, although miles out of your social bracket, dear, will look marvellous in portraits." Sophie sighed in glee. Blair indeed would look beautiful captured in oils on canvas, Louis thought. They would have a beautiful reign.

Louis fingered the smooth surface of the box and flipped it open. "Grandmother's ring?" He asked in surprise. "I thought this was meant for Beatrice?"

Princess Sophie curled her mouth at the thought of her own daughter. "She is in disgrace, as you know."

Louis knew better than to challenge her, he'd seen what had happened when his sister had done so. In any case, as was his mother's request, Blair would make a wonderful princess of Monaco. He tucked the box inside his jacket pocket.

XOXO

When she returned, Louis' eagle-eyed mother had thankfully departed. She'd concealed her red-rimmed eyes as best she could and mercifully Louis was quite oblivious as per usual.

"Blair!" He called. His words laden with apprehension. "Are you okay?" She heard the genuineness in his question but couldn't stop herself from wanting more than to run far, far away.

She felt sick, tired, she was mourning the loss of a secret baby that she'd not had the chance to fully comprehend or share, even with its father. Every inch of her just wanted to go home and never come out again. But she nodded to appease him anyway, Blair Waldorf- always society's darling without fail.

"Blair, there is something I need to ask you." His heavily accented English sounded more foreign and wrong than before.

She forced herself to smile. "What is it?"

Before she could quite grasp the situation, he was before her on one knee, proffering a red velvet box in her immediate direction. Blair gasped and tried to force the feelings of horror creeping up through her to be fronted by a visage of delight.

"I know this is all very sudden, but the days I've spent with you have been unlike any others. Will you do me the honour of being my wife?" His words sounded proud, arrogant- as though he was doing her a favour.

Blair's head swirled. She wanted to run away. The ring before her was grand, opulent. But it wasn't her. It was too much. The monstrous diamond was encased in brilliant white gold and surrounded by rubies and sapphires. It was one of the few times in her life that Blair had felt unworthy.

"I… I um." She stammered, mesmerised by the sparkling ring, which he held towards her.

Everything she'd thought she had dissipated in the moments before. Security. That's what Louis could offer her. He'd love her and make her happy. Perhaps she'd even love him one day too. Intoxicated by bereavement and misery, she nodded.

"I will." Her voice croaked out solemnly. He slid the too-heavy, too-sparkly ring onto her finger and grinned, pulling her into a kiss that she endured closed mouthed and with a false smile on her face.

She felt limp and lifeless as a rag doll when he pulled her from the restaurant and into the waiting car. She kept her hands stuffed in her pockets as to avoid the prying eyes of any onlookers. Louis wouldn't let her down. He'd be there always, someone to rely on, that wouldn't hurt her. He was too excited to notice the glum look in her eyes.

He'd dropped her home that evening, bidding her a sorrowful farewell as he'd been forced to fly to Monaco that same night in order to share the news with his family. She wished she could have cared that her new fiancé was already leaving her. Her fingers glided over the diamonds in her ring, a priceless heirloom meant for royalty, no doubt.

When she stepped inside the penthouse Serena was waiting.

"Blair." Serena stepped out of the darkness. "You look dreadful. What happened?" A sharp intake of breath followed. She must have noticed the engagement ring.

"You didn't?" Serena cried, grasping Blair's left hand and staring at the jewels nestled flamboyantly between her fingers. Blair yanked her hand away. How dare she have the audacity to question her decisions, Serena didn't know anything about making mature decisions. She couldn't help but feel envious instead of superior.

"I did the best thing I could." She said simply, ire subdued in favour of cold detachment. "I'm safe now. I don't have to worry about my heart being broken." She twisted the ring that didn't quite belong around her finger.

"Because he doesn't have your heart!" Her friend shrieked. "Blair this is too far. You don't even love him. I know you."

"You don't, Serena. You don't know anything. It's so easy for you. You're like a beautiful Barbie doll. Everyone loves you, wants to pander to your whims. Not me. I don't have anyone now. I did what I had to." Blair dashed forward in a flurry.

Serena was left stunned and hurt as Blair moved to ascend the marble staircase.

"Will you tell him?" She asked as Blair brushed past her. "He deserves the truth."

No questions needed to be asked. She knew the 'he' her friend was referring to. "I suppose I shall have to." She paused, turning back to retrieve her coat.

"Now?" Serena choked, unable to believe Blair's front of indifference. Marriage was big for her, she'd always dreamed of the perfect wedding to the perfect man. Granted that had mostly involved delusions of Nate, but nonetheless, at least she'd thought she loved him.

"You said yourself he deserves to know." Blair said frostily.

Blair felt numb as she called her car round. Numb as she gave the driver the address. Numb as she rode the elevator up to his suite.

XOXO

He was still in the same position, his eyes closed as the warm alcohol trickled a burning path down his throat. The suite was in darkness and he couldn't find the strength to move and turn the lights on. He didn't know what he was feeling anymore. All his charm and still she'd never be his again. He loved her, so passionately and so wholly. Nothing could ever feel worse than this, of that he was sure. To break the one you loved. That was a worse feeling even than death.

The elevator dinged. He groaned. Entertaining guests was not exactly a priority of his one-man pity party. He watched out of his dark corner as the doors opened, light flooding into the suite. She emerged out of the light like an angel come to save him from the temptation of darkness. Her face faintly streaked with the ghostly trace of tears.

"Chuck?" She shouted weakly and moved into the room. She called his name again.

"Blair." He slurred from his chair and she turned to face him. Her hair had all fallen out of place and her dress was wrinkled. She held a Burberry trench coat in her arms. "You came back." He stood and wrapped his arms around her instantly, peering back at her face to caress the velvety skin of her cheek with his fingers.

"You're drunk." She said. It wasn't a question. She struggled to hold him up and he squeezed her tight.

"You came back to me." He murmured into her fragrant hair, planting gentle kisses on her jutting collarbone.

She craned her neck away from him. "I didn't come here for this." She stated, her sternness had lessened at his sloppy ministrations slightly. He held her at arms length.

"Then what?" He ran his hands down her thin arms and found her hands. His fingers stroked hers until he came across something. A bulbous ring. On _that_ finger.

"What's this?" He held the traitorous hand up to his face for inspection. He heard her gulp, watched the small movement of her throat. She snatched her hand away.

"Louis asked me to marry him." She stated without any compassion in her tone, her expression cool and collected.

He almost fell backwards as he shoved away from her, his heart heavier than lead in his chest. His nostrils flared as he observed her- acutely and painfully aware of the torture she would see in his eyes.

"You'll never marry anyone else. You're mine." He grabbed for her hand and pulled at the ring. "You're mine, Blair." He shouted. The ring was nothing like the one he had bought for her. It was more extravagant, ostentatious- a ring for a princess.

Unsatisfied with her distance from him he yanked fiercely at her arm and pulled her into his grip. She struggled but he shoved her up against the glass-panelled wall.

"Get off me, Chuck." She whimpered as his teeth found her throat. He nipped and sucked at the sensitive flesh. She smelled divine, felt divine. He ran his hands all over her tiny waist, it was his to do so with, not Louis'. Suddenly he snapped into reality and all the haze of alcohol clouding his judgement gushed away all at once. He had her against her will. She was trying to writhe free. He felt disgusted with himself and released his hold instantly. He'd not do this to her, not to her.

"You're abhorrent." She lashed out at him, her eyes wild with fire and disgust.

She rushed past him and jammed her finger on the elevator button relentlessly. She was zipping her dress up, he hadn't even realised he was undoing it. Chuck shuddered at what he might have done to her had recognition not found him.

"I'm sorry." His voice, so tiny, ashamed and vulnerable, came from a crouching position, into which he had slumped after freeing her. "I never meant… I just need you here so desperately."

She shook her head and her forehead pinched as she clenched her jaw, her harsh and icy resolve clearly melting.

"You're mine." He whispered. "You've always been mine." There was no possession in his voice. He didn't want to own her or control her. He just needed her to be the central part of his world that she had been.

Her face fell as she turned back to face him, glossy skirts twirling around her. "I wanted to be. I could have been."

"But?" He said morosely, his hands moving to support his dense head.

"Not anymore." Her miserable response came.

"You're lying." He insisted, refusing to meet her eyes as he struggled to gain his balance standing up. He saw a slight nod of her head, unsure as to whether or not it had been a voluntary action.

"Blair, please. Please don't marry him." He begged. "Tell me you no longer love me and I'll leave you be, you'll be free to choose as you wish. I just… I need to know if I'm wasting my time." His helpless expression struck her like a sharp knife upon innocent skin.

The tears began to descend from her eyes then. They were unstoppable, the small, muffled cries emitted from her throat became progressively louder until he allowed himself to stumble towards her and dab the moisture from her delicate, china doll cheeks with the lilac satin pocket square he'd pulled from his jacket.

"I can't tell you that. I couldn't risk losing you forever." She said, falling into his embrace. "I don't know what to do." The awful ring on her finger dug into his back through the thin material of his shirt, a reminder of what she'd agreed to.

"Let me help you." He sighed into her hair, rubbing calming circles on her silk-sheathed back as though she were a small child in need of petty comfort.

"I was pregnant with your baby." She blurted, almost inaudibly. "I miscarried." He felt his spine go rigid as an iron rod and he gripped her tighter than ever. She sobbed heavily into his shoulder.

When she looked up at him, her doe eyes were filled with hot tears and he bent down to press his forehead lightly against hers. The softness of her skin caressed his. "I swear I will do whatever it is you need to make you feel better." He promised. "I'm so sorry."

She nodded bleakly and buried her head back into his chest. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you. I was so scared."

"You'll never have to go through anything alone ever again. I promise." He vowed, holding her back so he could kiss the top of her head calmingly. "Don't marry him." He pleaded.

Blair sighed deeply and closed her eyes. "I don't know what made me agree to it. He looked so expectant, as though he was doing me a great service by asking." She admitted softly. "I just wanted to feel safe. I don't love him. I thought giving my hand to somebody who didn't possess my heart could never hurt me."

"Please don't wear his ring. Please." He could only beg as he brought the hand in question to his lips, peppering undemanding kisses on each of her knuckles. "It's wounding me to see it on your dainty hand, grandiose as it is."

XOXO

From the minute she'd said yes, Blair knew she'd never marry Louis. At the request of the man she did love, she pulled the ring from her finger. "I'm sorry." She muttered, staring at the ground.

He lifted her chin. "You've just made my life worth living once more. What on earth are you sorry for?" His eyes searched hers.

"You won't ever get to be the first man to put a ring on my finger." She felt the tears building in her eyes.

"As long as you will wear my ring, one day, I don't care." He spoke in heartfelt earnest. "When will you tell him?" He asked.

"He has gone to Monaco to share the news." Blair admitted sadly.

Chuck's jaw twitched and she lifted a hand to the sharp contours of his cheekbone to ease his tension. "I won't be coerced into a marriage. No amount of tiaras will convince me." She'd intended for it to be a joke but her grave delivery was hardly droll.

She let herself be guided to sit down. He switched lights on as he went. She sank down, heavy with emotion. She loved him. There was no escaping it. She'd once said she would stand by him through anything. Now she knew he'd do the same. Tears sprang to her eyes and she started to cry.

"I wanted it. I didn't think I did. But I did." His arm was around her in seconds.

"You will have as many children as you want. I'm so sorry." She curled into his side.

"I'm a wicked person. I didn't want our baby and now it's gone." She shivered, feeling sick at herself.

He hushed her. "You did want it, Blair. It's not your fault."

She shook her head. "I didn't know I wanted it until I'd lost it. I'm a terrible human."

"I wish…" He began hesitantly, his eyebrows knitting together as he thought about what he was going to say. "I would have wanted a baby with you." He told her decidedly and pulled his jacket around her shoulders in way of a blanket.

She smiled at him through watery eyes. The honesty in his words struck at a chord in her heart. 'I would have wanted a baby with you.' She replayed the words over and over in her head.

"You're thinking about the baby?" He asked her and she nodded sombrely. "Tomorrow we will go to the doctors and make sure everything is okay. You need to put your mind at rest. This wasn't your fault." He finished, taking her small hands in both of his and stroking them. "Now, we take your mind off of it." He promised. "You can't suffer with this for your whole life."

They sat together silently for a few moments, she watched as he ran his hands over his hair in an unexpectedly disconcerted manner.

"What is it?" She couldn't help her curiosity after she'd just watched Chuck Bass, possibly the man surest of himself in the tri-state area; bite his bottom lip in nervousness.

He turned to look at her; she could tell he wanted to brush it off as nothing so she offered him a pointed raise of her eyebrows.

He huffed. "You just…" He stumbled over his words. "You're making me nervous."

She sat back, slightly affronted. "Me? Making you nervous?" She frowned, brushing non-existent lint off of her skirts. "How?" She dared to peer up at him.

He bit his lip again. It was a little bit adorable if she was honest with herself. To see Chuck, so… well, shy, was humbling. He'd shown her many private things, but this, this kind of defencelessness was new.

"I feel like a child with a stupid and impossible crush on my best friend's girlfriend again." He scolded himself and she smiled, giggling quietly he smiled his real smile, not his smirk, in return.

"It wasn't a stupid, impossible crush, Chuck. Look at us." He cocked his head to one side in agreement.

More minutes of peace passed as they watched each other closely. Her eyes darted back and forth across his.

"I just want you to know" he began quietly. "I love you. I really do."

She smiled at him warmly as butterflies beat their wings hard in her stomach. She took his hand and kissed it as he had hers so many times. She wasn't ready to give up so much of herself to him again yet. But she knew it was only a matter of time.

"I don't need you to say it back." He was lying; she could see his desperation for approval and reciprocation thinly veiled in his eyes. That was part of what she loved about him. "I just want you to know. You are loved, Blair Waldorf. Always have been, always will be."

"Thank you." She felt warm and wanted.

Blair leant across his lap to press a very gentle, very chaste kiss onto his lips. He didn't try to deepen it, neither did she. It was enough. It was the start of something new and the reawakening of something old.

"Stay over?" He asked her. She knew it was more of a demand than a request but far be it for Chuck Bass to tell a lady of her calibre what to do. She just grinned at him in response. "You can take my bed, I'll sleep here." He said. He was truly pushing all of the stops out. She knew he hated sleeping on couches, never did his back any good.

"I think I can trust you not to grope me in my sleep." She said taking his hand and leading them to the room they shared once upon a time. The place was flooded with memories of laughs, love, arguments and making up. He had a photograph of them on his nightstand. Her heart felt warm and alive for the first time in a long while.

"Goodnight, Bass." She whispered from underneath the covers. He was being incredibly gentlemanly as he lay atop the comforter, fully clad in his shirt and trousers.

"Goodnight, Waldorf." He said quietly in response, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear.


	9. Shattered

I hope you all had a very lovely Christmas. I realise that saying 'all' may sound a bit presumptuous as probably only like five people actually read this but, just so you know, I'm aware that my story's following is small, but I am grateful nonetheless for the support.

I wish you a very happy new year and I'm so happy I can take this story with me.

XOXO

_**Shattered**_

_For the sword outwears its sheath, _

_And the soul wears out the breast, _

_And the hearth must pause to breathe, _

_And love itself have rest. _

As should have been expected, it turned out that she could not, in fact, trust him not to grope her in the night- although who had initiated said groping was somewhat dubious. Blair was wound around Chuck like a kitten, her cheek against his shoulder, her leg draped across his hips and she had her small hands pressed firm up against his bare chest possessively. The duvet had been kicked down to the bottom of the bed and it was his arms around her that kept Blair so deliciously warm.

It was he who woke first, gently roused by her steady breath, warm on his neck. His head was thrumming dully from all the alcohol he'd consumed before she'd come to him the night before, but he felt more alive than ever. He curled his arm further around her small waist, pulling her soft form flush to his own. He inhaled her divine scent. Blair's perfume was mostly faded and she just smelled like her, something he was sure he'd never be able to get enough of.

Chuck had only ever felt this degree of pure happiness with her; they were at last on their way back to each other. He could force himself to be patient and gentlemanly around her if it meant he would be allowed to have perfect moments like these with his Blair. She was cooing softly in her sleep, a broad smile across her slumbering face, exquisitely beautiful even when dozing. He grinned at the sight, never wanting to let her go. As he watched her sleep serenely, a surge of warmth thrived in his body. The love he felt for her, the type of love he'd once thought was ultimate and unchanging, grew further and further with each second that passed- proving to him that just when he thought that the incomparable joy he felt when by her side was at its maximum, it could develop into something even greater. When he was a child, Chuck had never known of the possibility to love a person like this. He'd never been taught of love like this except by his nannies- before he started banging them of course- in fairy tales. He freed a hand from its snug position at her side and pulled a wavy tendril of silky, chestnut hair free from underneath her head. He ran it between his fingers, feeling each strand part in his hands. He decided he'd be quite happy to exist in a fairy tale so long as she was there.

"What are you doing to me, Bass?" She moaned, turning her face into the pillow and away from his neck, but didn't try and wiggle herself free of his arms, instead she pressed herself closer. He grinned at the feel of her in his grasp. She'd never been a morning person.

Chuck smiled. "I could ask you the same, Waldorf. I'm sure you started beneath the covers?" He teased her playfully, dipping his head so he could place a kiss into her hairline.

She huffed and turned back to face him, smiling happily. That was when he knew she was feeling it too. The all consuming adoration for each other. Tentatively, Blair squirmed upwards in his arms and leaned in slowly to kiss his lips ever so gently. He felt galaxies colliding in the pit of his stomach at the contact and before he'd had a chance to really react, she pulled away and buried her face back into the pillows.

Chuck couldn't quite decipher what terms they were on. Hers of course, but he didn't know what would be too far, what might push her more than she was comfortable with. However, he decided fairly rapidly after the brief touch of her lips to his, he was quite happy to let her make all of the important decisions if it meant she would steal such sweet kisses from him here and there.

"Oh shit." He heard her mutter into the downy pillow. She writhed out of his arms and he loosened his hold grudgingly, feeling the loss of her warmth almost instantly.

"What?" Chuck drawled lazily, following her into the bathroom as she haphazardly tugged her dress over the silk slip she'd worn to bed.

"We're seeing the doctor at nine and it's eight thirty." Blair looked like she was going to cry as she frantically twisted the tap on, water gushing heavily from it, sloshing over the edge of the basin. She searched desperately through the cabinets for a spare toothbrush but couldn't seem to find one, he reached past her and found one within seconds, handing it to her along with a tube of toothpaste and turned the tap's fierce spray down slightly so that it wouldn't wet the front of her dress.

"Don't worry, we'll be there on time." He paused, sensing that there was much more to her upset than simply tardiness. Her eyes were still brimming as she furiously scrubbed at her teeth- he was afraid she'd have no gums left when she was finished. After she'd emptied her mouth of white foam, she stood over the sink, her arms resting on both sides of the cool, white marble and inhaled deeply.

"Blair."

She didn't respond, so he pulled her into an embrace. "It's okay if you're not sad about it all the time." He vowed, rocking her slightly. "You can't mourn for your entire life and you don't need to feel guilty that the baby isn't on your mind at all times."

She nodded; he was painfully aware that he'd probably made her feel no better at all; Blair was the type to blame herself for everything, but what kind of man would he be if he didn't at least try to conciliate her. "Shh, shh. It's going to be okay." He promised her.

XOXO

The doctor's words had stopped making any coherent sense the minute she'd said the words Blair dreaded to hear most in the world. The confirmation that she'd, indeed, lost the baby. The tears in her eyes blurred the whole room until nothing looked real anymore. She could feel Chuck's hand gripping hers tightly under the hard wood, antique desk but felt immensely uncomfortable in the plush velvet chair where she'd been seated to receive the worst news physically possible.

She'd known it before it had been articulated to her by a professional, but the validation made the loss all the more real. She felt claws inside her stomach, ripping her apart from within. The doctor's voice droned from outside the small bubble of isolated horror she'd found herself trapped in.

She rose out of her seat abruptly. "Enough!" Blair ordered, holding her palm up. "I don't want to hear anymore of your pity. I can't sit here anymore." She stepped out of the room, hearing Chuck make some small apologies before he was up and out with her, grabbing for her arm so she couldn't walk straight out into the busy road.

She swivelled around to face him then rushed into the well-acquainted strength of his arms. "I'm sorry." He breathed into her ear. "I really am. I wish it didn't have to be this way, but the doctor said it's nothing you did. You can't blame yourself." He implored. She nodded and allowed him to guide her gently into the car, where she curled into his waiting arms.

"Just drive, Arthur." He ordered his chauffer before bringing the barrier up so they were enclosed in the dim privacy of the back of his limo.

She cried then. Tears and tears until she had nothing left to cry.

XOXO

Her phone rang shrill in her purse and she scrabbled around to find it. Louis. He was back early. She lifted a finger to Chuck's lips and he frowned lightly but complied so that she may answer the phone.

"Hello." She spoke cautiously.

"Blair, my darling." Something in his voice was off. "Meet me for lunch at one? I'm back sooner than previously anticipated."

She bit her lip, gazing up at Chuck who was listening into her conversation unabashedly. He nodded at her supportively.

"Of course. Where?" She waited with baited breath for his response. Something was definitely going on with him.

"I've reserved a table at Per Se." He informed her.

"Okay. I'll be there at one."

"See you then, darling."

Then she hung up with an intense feeling of unease.

"That was bizarre." She said, curling back into Chuck's side. She felt slight shame at feeling so comfortable with another man when she was planning to meet Louis, her fiancé, for lunch in a mere matter of hours.

"Mmh. Make sure you stop by afterwards so I know you're okay." He asked her, his arm winding around her shoulder as they rolled smoothly to a halt. He opened the door and helped her out, kissing her knuckles gently. She threw her arms around his neck and whispered thanks into his ear.

"I will see you soon, Chuck." She swore. He nodded and smiled at her. She savoured the sight of him as he turned to get back into his limo, throwing her one last smile as he slid inside and shut the door. "I love you." She whispered as the limo pulled away.

Blair made her way into the apartment building slowly, traipsing into the elevator and leaning against the cool metal of the wall for support. When she arrived, she was confronted by Serena, who wrapped her arms around her almost aggressively.

"What the hell is happening, Blair?" She said, finally releasing her. She grabbed for her hand. "I saw the Gossip Girl blast and…" Serena gasped, staring down at Blair's fingers. "You're not wearing your engagement ring!"

Blair sighed. "I have a lot to explain, I know. But first of all I need your help."

XOXO

Serena lay on her front on Blair's bed, waiting for her friend to emerge from the closet.

"Okay. Ready?" She called.

"Yes." Serena drawled indolently, she'd been waiting for at least forty minutes for Blair to choose an outfit.

Blair eventually appeared from her closet, dressed in what was definitely the most prim and proper outfit Serena had seen her in, even when her mother still dressed her. She bit back a snicker at the white broderie lace dress with its long, puffy sleeves and high neck. It reached beyond her knees and she'd paired it with flat, pink T-bar shoes and had even donned a white headband. The only thing missing was frilly edged socks.

"Do I look like an unashamed whore?" She asked, turning so that Serena could get the full image.

"A what?" Serena chuckled, not quite able to believe the words falling out of the mouth of the girl who stood so innocently dressed before her.

"A brazen tramp. A floozy. You know. Do I look like Marilyn next to Audrey?" Blair huffed. Serena realised that she was, as ever, entirely serious and hopped up off of the bed.

"B. You look like you've just stepped out on a break from watching your flock of sheep." Serena snorted. "You just need a lacy bonnet to complete the look."

Blair frowned, obviously ignoring her and mildly pleased with any reference to nursery rhymes. "Don't laugh like that, S. It's unseemly."

"Sorry. It's just that you look like a virgin sacrifice, but I suppose that's what you're going for isn't it?"

Blair's pink lips twisted to the side but she couldn't prevent the giggle that bubbled up and out of her mouth. "Kind of."

"Then perfecto." Serena exclaimed, hugging Blair tight. "You've aced it."

Blair smiled and it was the first one Serena had seen in a good few days at least. She brushed at her lacy dress absentmindedly and collected a pastel pink Chanel classic, which hung sweetly over her shoulder.

"When you get home, promise you'll tell me everything?" Serena asked hopefully.

Blair nodded, she knew she'd kept too much from her best friend recently and Serena had put up with so much from her that she deserved to know the truth. After today everything would be fine anyway. "I promise."

XOXO

She stepped out of the town car and onto the sidewalk, careful not to dirty her white lace outfit. She felt nervous, like maybe she'd gone in too hard with the innocent look. His ring rested in her clutch bag and it felt like it weighed five tonnes.

When she stepped inside Per Se, she was happy to be greeted by its pristine white tablecloths and shiny surfaces. She was directed to a private room and when she saw Louis her stomach twisted into intricate loops. He was on the phone as she approached, keeping her left hand out of his eye line. There was something cold glinting in his eyes as he muttered into the receiver.

"Just make sure it's done." He hissed before hanging up swiftly to greet her.

"Blair, darling." Disgust crept into his voice and he stood, moving to kiss her cheeks.

"Louis." She said anxiously, taking the seat that was being pulled out for her by the waiter.

She was handed a menu, which she ignored, she didn't plan to stay long enough to eat anything and her somersaulting gut would see to that. She appraised him swiftly- he looked tired and irritated. His hair was out of place, his forehead permanently furrowed and his shirt creased.

"Had you no time to change?" She asked, trying to make light conversation in any way possible.

"I was preoccupied with getting back to see you, my dear." He sneered, placing his menu down on the table with a thud. "The family pass on their regards." He spoke sarcastically and she couldn't understand where his apparent hatred of her had stemmed from... There was no way he could know.

"I need to tell you something." She began fearfully, opening her clutch under the table to see the incredible ring glittering up at her.

"Wait, let me guess." He snarled. "You've met someone else." His tone dripped with pure revulsion and she saw a look in his face that she'd never thought possible of somebody so seemingly kind as he.

"I've not been unfaithful to you, Louis." Blair hastened to tell him. "I wouldn't do that." She promised, willing him to believe her, willing him to drop his fuming expression.

"Then why, darling Blair, do I see a photo of you with another man on a gossip website, heading to a clinic?" he growled cruelly, his head cocking to one side.

"Gossip Girl?" She breathed shakily. "You know about Gossip Girl?"

He nodded, a false smile reaching his lips but not his eyes. "It was… an enlightening experience."

Blair sighed, knowing she'd have to come clean. "I swear I didn't do anything with him, I was pregnant but I lost it. He came with me to the doctor because he was the father. Nothing more. The baby was conceived before I even knew you were in New York." She knew she was lying, there was a lot more to it than that, but she needed to escape the man in front of her.

"I'm so sorry to have led you on, Louis. But I can't marry you; I don't know why I said I would. I hope you understand that I was in a terrible place and I just needed some security. " She pulled the ring from her bag and reached over to hand it to him. He grabbed hold of her wrist in a crushing grip; her fingers unclenched around the priceless heirloom and it dropped unceremoniously to the table. She had to bite her tongue as not to yelp. The fierce and sudden action had sent wine glasses clattering to the ground with an almighty smash and a waiter rushed in to see the commotion.

"Blair, sweetheart." He drawled, saccharine sweet. "You are clumsy." He let go of her wrist and she pulled it back, subtly nursing the red fingerprints he'd left on her pale skin under the table. She'd definitely bruise. "We're awfully sorry for the fuss, aren't we, my beloved?" He said pointedly, forcing her to respond.

"Yes. I do apologise." She squeaked meekly to the man who was now on his knees, clearing broken glass and waving off her apology easily.

"Happens all the time, Madam." He assured her. She smiled helplessly and pulled her lacy sleeve down over the finger marks that spoiled her skin. When the waiter made his motions to leave, she almost stood and ran for help but Louis' forbidding glare kept her glued to her seat.

"See how good things can be when you do as your told?" He hissed, standing so he loomed over her. She wanted to disappear into her chair. He yanked her up and she swayed on her feet. "Now." He said, "You're going to tell me the truth." He whispered callously.

XOXO

Chuck was in the penthouse of the Empire, reading through mundane emails and thinking about Blair when the elevator bell rang and he jumped up to greet her. Instead three, towering men met his enthusiasm. Each of them dressed menacingly in black, with stares as hard as iron.

Chuck cleared his throat, trying not to let the fear reach his voice. "Gentlemen. How may I assist you?" He asked the tall, ominous figures. They were as broad as they were high and as they moved towards him, Chuck realised that this moment might be his last. He backed away but found himself in a corner as they surrounded him forebodingly.

"What is it you want? I have a lot of money, I can give you anything you want."

"We're not here for money, Mr Bass." One of the three said in a thick French accent, narrowing his eyes on Chuck.

"How do you know my name? Who are you?" He attempted to remain calm as they began cracking their knuckles.

"We're just here to do our job." The same man spoke, before swinging his fist at Chuck's face. He tried to dodge the attacks and fight back but he was outnumbered and in seconds, the three men kicked him brutally on the ground where he was slumped. He thought he was going to die and felt the flow of blood gushing from his lip. He heard an almighty crack as a massive, steel-toed foot broke two or three of his ribs. He tried to cry out for help but one of the huge men kicked his head, hard. Everything went black.

XOXO

"I found out I'd lost the baby and then… then I said I'd marry you." She finished in a rush. He glowered at her still.

"So you said you'd marry me while still carrying his… spawn." He spat, his eyes wild with anger as he ran a hand through his hair.

Blair quivered. "No… I… I don't know." She cried. He had her wrist in a vice-like grip again. She feared that he would have no hesitations in snapping her limb at any second if she didn't say precisely what he wanted her to. As though to prove her point, he twisted her arm in an unnatural direction, causing Blair to shriek out in pain.

"Please. Stop, you're hurting me. I never meant for this. I just wanted to apologise." She begged, feeling the tears of pain spring to her eyes. She'd never broken a bone before.

He loosened his grip slightly so she had a brief moment of release before twisting her arm around further. Her breath quickened and she panted to try and deal with the pain.

"Are those the noises you made when he fucked you while you were wearing my Grandmother's ring?" He barked viciously.

Her eyes widened at his malice. "No. I promise nothing happened between us while I was with you."

He dropped her wrist. "Whore." He snapped nastily.

He stalked away from her to the other side of the room and she held her arm, it was fragile from his torture and she winced when she tried to move it. She dared to peer up at him and to her dismay found that his body was blocking the only exit- she dared not move in case he hurt her again. She couldn't believe he'd once seemed so sweet and kind.

"Wipe that wounded look off of your face before I give you something to really cry about." He bit out at her, undoing the top button of his shirt.

She tried to change her expression and he smirked pitilessly. "I could have given you so much more than him." He began. "You would have been a queen, had a crown and diamonds and all the money you'd ever need. It's a shame. Now you will have nothing."

She knew it was foolish to do anything that might provoke him, but he was so wrong. "That's not true. I will always have Chuck." She said, a single tear rolling down her cheek.

"Wrong again, Blair. You don't even have him now. I've seen to that." He whispered, just loud enough for her to hear. Her jaw gaped open and she gasped.

"You wouldn't. Not even you would do that." She recoiled at his admission.

"Hell hath no fury like a Grimaldi scorned." He smirked heartlessly and opened the door for her. She snatched the ring from the table and threw it at him ferociously as she fled from the hellish room he'd kept her in.

"Are you okay, Madam?" A waiter called after her as she bolted from Per Se and into her waiting car.

"Empire hotel." She shouted at the driver before she was even fully in the car. "Step on it!" She screeched when he turned to look at her.

The car journey was painfully slow in the midday traffic and she ordered the driver to pull over so she could run the rest of the way.

Blair darted across roads and up sidewalks in a frenzy of panic, making no qualms about pedestrians in her way. When she reached the hotel her heart burned in her chest and she couldn't breathe. Her feet ached but she didn't stop. She shoved her way through the doors and into the hotel foyer where she found dozens of policemen and an ambulance crew. Her heart plummeted in her chest. She refused to believe what she was seeing. Everything around her slowed as she saw the elevator doors open and four stretcher-bearers carry a limp body out. She craned her neck to see who it was and felt her whole world come crashing down around her.

"MOVE!" She yelled louder than she knew herself capable of. She ran into the path of the men carrying the only man she'd ever loved and fell to her knees when she saw his face. He was out cold and his striking face was battered and discoloured. Blood had dried onto his lip and a bruise bloomed cobalt under his eyes. She didn't even know if he was alive.

She followed them out to the ambulance where they were sliding the stretcher upon which he lay into the back of the vehicle.

"Wait!" She called out to one of the drivers. "You have to let me come with you, please!" The man turned around and looked her up and down.

"Who are you Miss?" He asked hastily.

"I'm Blair Waldorf." She blurted before she remembered that didn't mean anything anymore.

"Sorry, Miss Waldorf. Family only." He turned sharply away and Blair watched in horror as the doors of the ambulance closed on Chuck.

"Please!" She begged the man but he was already out of earshot and closing the door on the driver's side.

The ambulance pulled away and Blair stood powerlessly in the middle of the street, watching as the sirens wailed into action and the vehicle sped down the busy street.

"Miss Waldorf?" A voice called out behind her. She turned to find Arthur, Chuck's driver, peering at her curiously. Without a second though, Blair rushed to jump into the limo, commanding the chauffer to follow the ambulance without even a second thought to road rules.

XOXO

"I'm Blair Bass." She lied seamlessly to the dim-witted receptionist, who was wearing a nametag that read Trudy in huge letters. "I'm Chuck Bass' wife and I demand that you tell me where he is now." She said arrogantly. She was still shaking from the shock of seeing him black and blue.

"Oh." Trudy sighed. "He was brought in only a few minutes ago, Ma'am. I'm afraid you'll have to wait right here until I have a little more information on where he's being placed." She gestured towards a waiting room that was a hideous shade of cheap blue.

"What do you mean? He has the best health-care money can buy. He'll be placed in a private room of course." Blair snapped at the blonde woman.

"No Mrs Bass," The receptionist said with a pitiful smile. "I can't tell you if they're going to keep him in the ITU or transfer him to his own room yet."

The ITU. Blair's heart fluttered and she staggered backwards, flopping into one of the uncomfortable plastic chairs.

"I'll let you know as soon as I can, Mrs Bass." Trudy said, obviously finding some compassion for Blair despite her earlier rudeness. Blair nodded appreciatively and closed her eyes. She couldn't loose Chuck, she couldn't.

XOXO

Serena was with her now, but it still felt like Hell on earth. They had waited for four hours already. Blair begged Serena to go along with the wife story the minute she'd arrived and naturally, her friend had agreed without question.

"His mother is out of town unfortunately, but I'm his sister, Serena Van Der Woodsen. I need to know what's going on. His wife is out of her mind." Serena dealt the pity card to the elderly doctor who clearly knew more than he was letting on. He nodded and walked towards where Blair was huddled, her legs pulled to her chest.

"Mrs Bass?" He addressed her and her head snapped up from her daze.

"Yes."

"Your husband has some very severe injuries. Three of his ribs are broken, we've managed to stop some almost fatal internal bleeding, but he has a punctured lung and unfortunately, as he is unconscious and we can't yet tell if he has suffered any brain trauma..." The doctor paused, "although his present state would indicate that he may have. "

Blair slumped down further into the chair and rubbed her face with her palms. "When can I see him?" It was the only question she needed to know the answer to. She knew he'd be okay- he had to be okay. He was Chuck Bass.

"Soon. We are going to move him into a private room just as soon as the nurses have cleaned him up properly. I'll have Trudy call you when he's ready for visitors." He promised her.

"Thank you." She nodded her head at him.

"Mrs Bass," the doctor began. "I think you ought to make sure you have some food in your system, your husband would want you to have all your strength." He said kindly.

Blair smiled and nodded at the old man. He was well intentioned of course, but Blair couldn't even consider her own needs until she'd seen that Chuck was okay. Serena came to sit by her and placed a hand over her own.

"What happened? Do you know?" Her friend asked her softly, looking around the hospital with distress in her eyes.

Blair shook her head. She couldn't speak in case her voice betrayed her. She knew exactly what had happened and it was her fault in every way imaginable. None of this would have happened had she never met Louis, never used him to make Chuck jealous and never said she'd marry him. Blair hated herself in that moment, hated herself more even than the man who had inflicted this horror onto Chuck.

XOXO

"Mrs Bass, Miss Van Der Woodsen," Trudy called them from the reception after what seemed like years. "Mr Bass has been moved to room 106. It's along the first corridor and on the left. Best wishes." She smiled sympathetically at the wife and the sister of the man she'd been told likely had fatal brain injuries.

"Thank you." Blair said bleakly and took Serena's hand as they moved wordlessly down the hall and found the room where Chuck lay.

"Do you want a minute?" Serena said and Blair nodded.

She stepped into the bright, white room and her eyes fell on him immediately. He was strung up with tubes and wires. A machine in the corner of the room bleeped softly. Then she saw his face. His handsome face. It was cut and bruised, every kind of atrocious harm imaginable had been imposed upon him and they'd focused on his beautiful features.

She moved to sit by him, finding his hand at his side. He was clad in hospital pyjamas, something she knew he'd have hated. She stroked his fingers delicately and prayed he'd open his eyes. He didn't.

Serena opened the door and Blair looked up at her. Her heart was filled with sadness and it was in her eyes. Her best friend came to her quickly and put an arm around her shoulder as she joined her by Chuck's bedside.

"Blair, he'll be okay." Serena promised even though she couldn't.

She felt like the pain would never ease as she watched him breathe in and out routinely, the stead beep of the heart rate monitor creating much needed noise in their deafening silence.

XOXO

Lily arrived soon after; her face was stricken with worry as she hurried into the room to find her adopted son lying, broken in a hospital bed.

They all three sat together, just being with him for a while until Lily insisted that they go home and get some rest.

_"It's what he'd want, Blair." _She'd reasoned. Blair wasn't hearing it. She had to stay by Chuck's side, what if something else happened?

Serena and Lily agreed to leave without her but only on the condition that she'd allow them to bring her food and new clothes. She'd done so, but only really to appease them. Blair would have gone without food and new clothes for as long as it took for him to wake if need be.

When they returned, she'd changed into a pair of flannel pyjamas in the room's private bathroom while mother and daughter tended to Chuck. She sat down on the cold toilet seat and covered her face with her hands. She wanted to be sick and cry and shake him until he woke. She splashed her face with cold water and tied her hair into a messy braid. When she returned, Blair realised that she must have appeared incredibly forlorn as both Lily and Serena came to put their arms around her.

"Dear, it will be okay. I spoke to the doctor and he doesn't believe Chuck won't wake up." Lily told Blair. She wasn't sure she believed her; she'd heard doctors muttering outside his room while they'd been gone.

"_I'm not sure." One had said._

"Could take years with that kind of beating." Another commented.

"_He will probably be terribly damaged"_

Eventually she'd pressed her hands against her ears to stop the noise.

XOXO

The next morning she woke, wrapped in blankets and stiff from having lain rigid on the plastic chaise by his bed. Nothing had changed. He looked just as peaceful and desperate as before. She gently brushed her fingers across his cheekbone and went to the bathroom to dress herself for the day. She'd decided to talk to the police. If he were going to be 'terribly damaged' then she'd at least put the monsters that had done it to him behind bars.

XOXO

"I'm terribly sorry, Ms Waldorf. I'm afraid there's not much we can do. They dodged the security cameras in the hotel's lobby and took Mr Bass' private elevator where there are none. I will look into Mr Grimaldi, but he is, as the prince of Monaco, protected. There's only so much we can do." The policeman spoke kindly to her but she wanted to scream and stamp her feet. She knew who had done this to Chuck and they couldn't do anything?

He'd explained that the men who had harmed Chuck would have been trained professionals, hired by someone who wanted to keep their name out of the mess. There was no chance it wasn't Louis.

"But he all but told me it was him." Blair stated.

"Unless you can give us something solid, we can't do anything to help either you or Mr Bass."

XOXO

She returned to his room to find him alone. He should never be alone. Blair moved towards him and sank down beside his bed. She lightly stroked his cheek as she had earlier and the realisation hit her hard that he might never wake up, or even if he did, he might not remember her.

She laid her head on the mattress by his chest and wept into it. Nothing had ever hurt quite like the torture that was this.


End file.
